My two cents. This article if anything will be a conversation starter. Prehaps
some Beta relationships will break-up as a result of it. It will also lend more
ammunition to the Committment-phobic Mid-Single guys still holding out that
something better will come along. Relationships are work. Some of us should not
be in any kind of relationship. period.
I have good friends that have been together 11 years. They were married in
Massachusetts in 2005. They are both from Utah and although they were active in
their church in Massachusetts they chose to have their Utah pastor come out and
perform the ceremony. He is an old family friend. In 2008 they adopted a child
from a young lady who knew it was not time for her to raise a baby. They have
been there since birth, literally. Years later they moved back home to Utah and
were married (by that same pastor) last December. Unfortunately though in Utah
only one of them has parental rights. If the other one dies the surviving parent
has no legal rights to the child he has raised for the last six years, literally
all of this young boy's life. They were in the process of fixing all that
when our governor decided to nullify their marriage and stop those proceedings.
I see no use for such a thing, mostly because I see the period between
engagement and marriage as the equivalent. Of course I realize that my being
fine with cohabitation before marriage does produce that option whereas those
who oppose it wouldn't have that option.
Schnee,There's research that shows that couples who cohabitate
before marriage or more likely to divorce anyway, if they do decide to tie the
knot. You'll have to google it yourself since DNews won't let me post
@FatherOfFourSadly, the state of Utah doesn't care how many
families it has to destroy in order to maintain the sanctity of families.
@ giantfanI found "research" indicating Bigfoot lives in
NorCal. Being unscientific while relying on "science" to support
personal biases has very little value.
Michael Hunt; did you even check out the "research"? I wonder if what
you are using could be considered a 'Straw man argument'. This seems
to be a favorite term of people who wish to denigrate any research that may not
agree with their 'personal biases'.
For me the "Beta Marriage" time starts when a couple begins dating. If
all goes well the relationship progresses to boyfriend/girl friend and after a
period of time progresses to engagement. If this processes takes two years then
so be it. Marriage is a commitment. A commitment to work things out for better
or for worse.
Wait, did I just read that 43% of millenials constitutes "Most
Millenials?" Are we a bit math challenged here? No wonder Utah is fighting
Common Core; they cannot see that 43 < 57. That would be like saying that
Mitt Romney won "most" of the electoral votes in 2012.
@ giantfan: Actually, that research has been proven to be faulty. When
adjusted for factors such as age, education, finances, etc., divorce rates are
more closely related to age (the younger a couple is when they marry the more
likely they are to divorce) and commitment levels (committed couples make it
married or not, couples that hook up to save money or because of family/peer
pressure don't make it married or not).The DesNews actually ran
an article about the new research a few months ago.
So much for "traditional marriage" being one-man, one-woman. Now its
one man/woman for x-days/weeks/months and then another go with a different
couple.And you, Deseret News, keep printing anti-gay commentary.
A joke. Ian beta marriage is going steady. When you become an andult, make a
commitment and keep it. The millennialist are very sad.
Making and keeping commitments changes those involved in the commitment,
intertwining the parties involved. Marital relationships don't just
"work out" or not. Making such a relationship work requires a level of
committed effort that simply can't be found in a relationship where one
tries out a spouse the way one would try out an apartment.Sure, you
can hope that a trial relationship turns into something more committed. Many do.
Or you can pursue a relationship where each party is purposefully committed to
making it work. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which approach is
more likely to endure the challenges that life naturally produces.
It is incredible how we experiment today with institutions once considered
timeless, tried, and true. We will eventually pay a heavy sociological and
spiritual price for turning "marriage" upside-down and inside-out.
Eventually, the entire institution will not be worth the paper of its contract.
In an age where marriage is debated and redefined - an age wherein
it is almost disposable with high divorce rates, swinging, and "beta
marriage", perhaps the only true definition or value is within what the
musician Sting calls the Secret Marriage, "The secret marriage vow is never
spoken. The secret marriage never can be broken," a true marriage
solemnized within the hearts of spouses who have passed the test of time, become
true soul mates and best friends - letting the light of their marital life shine
as an example to others.When I think of this kind of marriage, I
think of my granparents married for 60 years. On the day Grandpa died, Grandma
woke him up from a nap asking, "Honey, your favorite show, Touched By an
Angel is on. Do you want to watch it?" His profound reply says it all,
"No thanks, I was just touched by one!"
"Beta-marriage"? A "trial-marriage" where you may or may not be
married in the future? That's not what marriage is. The concerns, works,
and purposes of marriage are directly opposed to the concerns, works, and
purposes of any temporary arrangement. That's what marriage is.@koseighty,Yours is the second most ironic statement I've heard in
a long time. The state of Utah has done more than most in order to -preserve-
families from the winds of lust and fickle feelings.And finally,
such efforts are not "anti-gay". To brand recognition and understanding
of what marriage is as "anti-gay" is the first most ironic statement
I've heard in a long time, confabulating those who profess same-sex
attraction but otherwise seek normal lives and those who actively seek a
Jamescmeyer says:Midwest City, USA, OK"the state of Utah
has done more than most in order to -preserve- families from the winds of lust
and fickle feelings."Not even close to the truth. The State of
Utah has done EVERYTHING it can think of so far to destroy some families.
Michael Hunt,A lot of assumptions made on your part about what
biases might or might not be had and so called unscientific research.
Interesting that you'd come to that conclusion since I wasn't even
able to cite any references. Ironic that you're the one demonstrating the
bias, don't you think? Go ahead and google "Molly Edmonds" and
"Denver University" and read the first one on the list. I'm not
saying it's clear cut scientifically proven fact. But it certainly
isn't some kind of Bigfoot claim.
@giantfan"There's research that shows that couples who cohabitate
before marriage or more likely to divorce anyway"I'm aware
of that, but of course averages don't apply to everyone in the demographic.
It mostly just depends on how a particular couple approaches things.
I don't really get the point of this article. I am not sure that a
compelling argument was made for any course of action. It seemed like a random
collection of possible pros and cons. I was expecting to see a lot more focused
and detailed information. Is a "Beta Marriage" just another was of
saying you are living together or are you supposed to enter into a formal
agreement? It seems to me that it is a fancy term for what a lot of people
already do. Does a "Beta Marriage" turn into a "real marriage"
after 2 years? Just not understanding the point.
We humans have a finite capacity in terms of how much indecision we can
tolerate. I would guess that the amount of stress produced by such an
arrangement as a beta marriage would be overwhelming. I wouldn't give a
beta marriage much of a chance of success on that basis alone.As far
as evaluating how things are going after two years, that's a great idea.
But only if the purpose is for each partner in the marriage to figure out what
they can change in themselves (not in their partner) to improve the relationship
and make the next two years better than the last two. Commitment is a healthy
thing and leads to happiness.
A two year Beta marriage? Sounds like the bride and groom are not sure, and
should wait and look at what is causing them concern. For those of
us old enough to remember the 70's, there was a term floated at that time
"open marriage" A beta marriage is not a commitment to each
other and neither is an open marriage. But when the divorce rate is so high,
for some a traditional marriage isn't a commitment either. Being married
is a special treasure, enjoy it, learn to love and trust. When the person is no
longer by your side in this life, you'll be glad you did. We look at
marriages as if they are for a life time, we need to be looking at them as if
they are for an eternity.
@koseightyThe state of utah also doesn't care how many people
they arrest who engage in consenting activity. All in the name of protecting the
morals of the community.