One small way is to let people who are fighting to marry have a chance. Utah is
leading the way.
"She believes that monogamy is natural and necessary for an
individual's health and well-being."That's one
problem. We are consulting experts that have acquired professional degrees in
order to appear professorial when they are simply providing their own opinions
which most likely preceeded their education. But sure, if contrary facts
don't fit the dialogue, find ways to change the way facts are presented.
One, you can't fix everything. It sucks that so many marriages are not
working out, but that doesn't mean we need to legislate a fix. Two, some
marriages should not work out, they were not a good idea in the first place. My
sister's first marriage was one of these. The best thing they ever did was
get divorced. Three, there is no "one size fits all" solution for
marriage. I have been happily married for 18 years. But what works for mine may
be completely destructive to yours, and vice-versa. Accept the fact that people
can run their own marriages differently than you might would yours, and that is
OK. And fourth, what Hutterite said.
Before you can fix a problem, you'd better have a pretty good understanding
of the problem. Is the problem insufficient premarital counseling?
Expectations? Poverty? Is it that we're unable to talk about our needs
with one another openly, or that we don't understand them?Before divorce was as readily available, there was prescription pill abuse and
alcohol. Unhappy people dulled their senses so they could survive their lives.
Divorce may not be a happy thing, but it gives many people a second chance.
That so many of these second chances fail, too, means we're not
understanding and addressing whatever the root of the problem is.One
thing we do know. People who get married for the first time at 30 are generally
more successful than those who marry at 20. Whether this is because they are
more self-aware, more realistic, more independent, better off, more experienced
or something else, we don't really know.There is too much myth
and expectation around marriage. When we make it their life goal, young people
often find disappointment and conflict when the reality doesn't measure up
to the dream.
When we have drive through wedding chapels, people that cannot balance their
bank accounts, and a society that accepts cohabitation as a "test run",
also a society that accepts giving up on a marriage over ridiculous conflicts
(ie paint color etc), is it no surprise that people going into a marriage, enter
it fool heartedly? After all marriage is the new way of dating. Test it out, if
you don't like it, just divorce it and get another chance. The majority of
divorces are played from this lack of thought beforehand.However,
there is a time and place for divorce which is painful for all parties
involved.Maybe we should make it harder for people to marry. Make it
so only those that are actually committed to a relationship get to marry. Where
as those that are drunk one night and decide to marry or choose to sleep
together and have a child as a consequence and then decide to marry. Maybe
people will start to use the brain they have and make half decent choices.....
This is the inevitable (and desired) outcome from decades of liberal philosophy
telling us that religion is bad, morals are silly, that government is a better
father for a family than a husband, and that work is bad and welfare is good.It may be too late to fix the problem, but the traditional family based
on a marriage between a man and a woman living together and raising their
children is the best solution for the future of mankind. "Same
sex marriage" is not the same thing, and efforts to impose it and thereby
change the language is not helpful. Gays who love each other can join in
whatever form they like, but it is not "marriage" and is unrelated to
solving the destruction of the family and traditional marriage which is taking
place all around us.The real problem is liberalism.
@ hutterite:You've apparently missed something. Your 2
sentences are incoherent with each other. In case you haven't been keeping
up, Utah is still very actively fighting and leading the way against legal SSM
in Utah, which is something you usually seem to be in favor of. Here's to hoping Utah success in its ongoing legal battle to maintain the
dignity of traditional marriage in our state and to the strength that
traditional marriage brings to any and every society. Sadly, the only thing the
issue of SSM has brought is divisiveness, which the forthcoming replies to my
comment will undoubtedly prove.
Leave the gays out of it! They have nothing to do with your failed marriages.
Those who are clearly "missing something" are those who imply that
heterosexual marriages are in "crisis" because SSM has detracted from
the "dignity" of marriage.Let's try to let reason
prevail rather than superstition in this discussion.
Strong marriages and families are the foundation of a strong society. It is
where the next generation learns about love and faith and what it means to be
human. It's interesting to watch the national discussion develop on
this. Some people blame decreasing marriage rates and increasing divorce on the
liberal or gay agenda. I attribute it mostly to industrialization, technology
(computers, washing machines, microwaves, birth control, etc.) and economics.
People are less dependent on the family to meet basic needs, so it becomes less
of a priority to get married and have kids quickly. It now takes a lot more
motivation to decide to make a family or keep one together. Some trends are
positive-- like people marrying when they are a bit more mature, greater
equality for women, and less abuse in relationships.I disagree with Ms.
Haisha who argues that monogamy is less important than good communication. Both
are essential. The commitment of faithfulness in marriage is part of what
motivates people to marry. Removing the expectation of monogamy from marriage
will decrease people's incentive to marry.I agree with Hutterite that
allowing gay people to marry strengthens the institution.
The problem with marriage today is that we now live in a non social, extremely
selfish world, ruled by social media, hardcore pornography, and people who are
in this world only for themselves. The only purpose for marriage is
to create children, love and nurture those children, teach those children how to
be a good members of society, and then turn them loose to help the world become
a better place. Huge responsibility? Yes.Most couples do not
understand this. They think marriage is about them. They don't realize that
marriage is only about giving. Giving everything you have to raise your
children. In the process of giving everything of yourself you find love and
happiness along side your spouse.
@DN Subscriber who said:"... The real problem is liberalism."How to you correlate your hypothesis with the fact that
"conservative Christians" have the highest divorce rate in America and
atheists/agnostics the lowest?
It's nothing new, I suppose: We recognize that selfish sex-oriented
anti-theistic ideas of marriage are causing problems, then people come and
insist that selfish sex-oriented ideas of marriage should be entirely acceptable
and that theistic people are bad.DN Subscriber, among others, are
@Jamescmeyer;I'm guessing your comment is in relation to SSM.
In which case, I must ask you, why is "sex-oriented" marriage for
heterosexuals not a problem but it is for SS couples?Why is it
"selfish" for LGBT couples to want the same things that heterosexual
couples want?I know very few hetero couples who married just to
"have kids"; most of them did it for the sex since they couldn't
have it before they were married.If wanting marriage is selfish for
LGBT couples, then it is equally selfish for heterosexual couples to want
To DN Subscriber: Nobody is "imposing" same-sex marriage on you. You
are free to marry an opposite sex person, as long you both are single, 18+, and
not related. It would be nice if you thought that all other adults
should have the same rights as you.
There's another recently published study by Shaunti Feldhahn that finds
divorce rates aren't as high as widely reported, especially amongst the
religious community. The Blaze just published an article about her upcoming book
"The Good News About Marriage" that offers a different perspective than
the one offered in this article.
So one "expert" thinks one thing, and another something else, and a
third something different to the other two. That's about what we would
expect. Let's leave such "experts" out of it, except perhaps those
who have outstanding marriages themselves lasting decades. Let's have
articles based on the experiences of real people and let's spell out what
makes such marriages work. Also let's be more sensible in choosing
We also live in a world where people think 'no you people don't need
marriage, a civil union should give you everything you want right?'. If
marriage is suddenly nothing other than a stack of gov't benefits (which it
is if civil unions are "just as good") then the point of marriage is
I read where a couple in China couldn't have kids. They agreed she would
step out of the marriage long enough to get her pregnant. She went to another
town and did it. She came back and they were able to have a child.Abraham in the Bible did the same thing, again with his spouses permission.Our culture has certain norms, but its important to keep in mind that
our norms aren't the only possible norms and not even necessarily the best
norms possible. Its important to keep an open mind.
I've always wondered how much of the current divorce rate is really just a
result of those who are leaving bad relationships. People always look back in
history and think that they were all better off back then because men and women
stayed together more often then today. Well how many of those relationships were
abusive, or loveless? In some ways I'm not really troubled by the increase
in divorce rates simply because I know there were lots of women stayed in
terrible marriages because culture dictated that they should. So yes, more
people are getting divorced today - but then again more people are escaping bad
DN Subscriber: Yes "liberals" are the reason that people get divorced.
How insightful. (eye roll)