Answer to the headline: Selfishness on the part of both fathers and mothers
Yes contrary to popular believe men can take care of the kids just as good as
women. The only reason this isn't in the higher percentage is because of
the unwritten law where upon divorce the woman takes the house the kids the
vehicles moves her new boyfriend in and the ex-husband has to pay for it all.
Good to see these numbers rising because I'm a firm believer in female
equality. 100% equality though not just the convenient ones.
It's sad enough that biological parents can't work out their own
relationship issues, but it's even sadder when they can't work out
arrangements in the best interest of the kids to give both parents equal access.
My father died when I was 9 and between that I my knowledge from studying child
development I knew that having a father actively involved in a child's life
was important. When I and my husband divorced my number one prerogative was to
make sure he stayed actively involved and so I always lived nearby and put my
personal preferences aside so that my kids could still have both of their
parents actively involved in their lives. They lived one week at my house, then
one week at their dad's house and split the summer in half. Although we had
some ups and downs, we did not have near the drama and issues that I have seen
with other split families who try so hard to turn their kids against the other
I believe that one parent should have primary custody so that a child's
life is as normal as possible. It is very difficult to move a child from place
to place. I don't believe that both parents should have to live close
enough so that they need to have their homes in the same school. I think that
weekends with the other parent and summer time spent together is the best
solution. They can also have other times together, of course. Although I
generally believe that women are the best nurturers, I've seen the opposite
in some families and have even had in happen in my own family. I can't
believe that a woman would just walk away from their child, but I know it is
true as I have seen it as a school teacher. What a depressing article.
There has been a huge shift in our culture over the past while, and I see more
and more dads playing an ever increasing role in their children's lives. In
church I often see dads taking care of the babies just as much as the mothers. I
think it's awesome.I agree with the church and others that a
father and mother is the absolute best situation for children to be raised in. I
hate to see selfishness break up families and hurt children, however just like
you can't outlaw single fatherhood or motherhood because of that belief,
you can't outlaw gay marriage for that reason either. I hate to drag
politics into this but it's a perfect example of why the state's
argument against same sex marriage is not going to hold up in court.
I was a single father for some 16 years and lived to tell about it. My
grandfather was a single dad for about ten years during the 1930s and '40s.
Maybe it runs in the family.
@ThinkmanAmen. That says it all.
Anyone who claims they'd rather have sole custody or none doesn't
deserve their kids. They're just using their kids to hurt the other party
or as leverage. The children are the ones who are damaged most severely in these
bitter little games.
raybies "Anyone who claims they'd rather have sole custody or none
doesn't deserve their kids."That's not the way King
Solomon saw it.
When my wife of 25 years and I got divorced, my youngest daughter chose to live
with me. She was a junior in high school and stayed with me until she went to
college. While it may be ideal to have parents stay together and some would say
it's selfish to divorce, in my case it was best for my daughter to live
with me and not her mother. Luckily for all of us we accepted my daughter's
choice as hard as it was on her mother. We also did not bad mouth our former
spouse. The result after 9 years of divorce is that my daughter has a positive
relationship with both of us, went to college, is successful and her mother and
I can be in the same room and be civil to each other.
That's a great start but it needs to be much higher. Women have been
beating in the heads of everyone that fathers are not good parents. Child
custody laws are about to change in this biased state to ensure both parents
have time with their children. Go fathers!!
Those in favor of 50/50 need to petition such to your house and senate
representatives. They need to see local support for changes. Once that happens,
the courts will still have bias, but it will decrease and more children will be
allowed to have both parents actively involved in their lives. Ask other adults
around you how they liked being raised by just one parent or if they would have
preferred both parents around. This is an adult’s comments now, not a
child’s. See the results and you will see that 50/50 is preferred usually
by children and those children when they become adults.Remove incentives
for a woman to steal their child’s father and these numbers will increase.
Far too many women see a child as a meal ticket and a means of control of an
ex-lover. It is not about the best interest of the child, but the mom’s
desire to get free money from their ex and to make his life miserable.
@raybies To the credit of those who would prefer the kids only have one parent
and give up their time if they can't have it all, at least they are not
holding a double standard. If they feel one parent is best and it isn't
going to be them, at least they don't suddenly change that view and ask for
50/50. Not that I agree at all that one parent is enough, but I can see their
side however flawed I believe their position is. This is not about cutting a
child in half so one parent says to just give the child to the other. Children
want both parents. They grow up much healthier having a bond with both parents.
That last part was for you, Razzle2.
@Laura You may believe one thing, but studies tell a different story. There is
nothing natural about seeing one parent every other weekend. Children raised in
50/50 households grow up better than those raised in only one house with one
parent knowing the other parent just isn't allowed to be with them. Why not
look at statistics of children raised in single mother households and tell me
that is more natural?@Thinkman – There is nothing selfish about the
number of single dads on the rise. Did you not read the article?
@Instereo – Once a child is 14, (age debatable) they should have the
option to live with only one parent if they want. Hopefully both parents have
given them a good home and they want to still be with both, but if not, then let
the child deal with their own choice. They are old enough to know that it is
their choice and the long term affects will not be as negative knowing they
picked this, not that one parent just didn’t love them enough to spend
time with them. I base this off child psychology and studies of how they handle
this choice as they grow up into adulthood.@cstott – I don’t
think fathers with sole custody needs to increase, but the number of parents
having 50/50 to increase and the number of mothers with sole custody to
decrease. As fathers hear more stories of positive results in court, they will
fight for equality. It is a pointless fight to spend tens if not hundreds of
thousands of $ only to end up with the same result as every other father gets in
gender biased states.
Razzle, King Solomon was brilliant to figure out which mother was mentally
unstable due to the death of her child and which was the mother of the living
child. In a day with no mental health knowledge or DNA testing. And he was
perfectly fine with the unmarried parent raising their child. Single parenting
Often the rules are different at each home which can cause contention, confusion
and a lack of unity that is difficult for children to understand and accept.
After all the parents werent able to support eachother enough while married it
just get more complicated after divorce. Parents who have disolved their union
are able to put their own emotions in healthy check, they can work out a plan
that is in the best interest of the children. I feel taking a child from
home to home during a school week would be very disruptive for the child.My sons live with their father... even though I may not agree with some of the
ways he raises them. I believe in the importance of a father in a childs life
and I have done what I can to encourage the relationship between my children and
their father... my own feeling aside. I hate to hear other people bashing their
exhusband or wife in derogatory ways, especially in front of their children.
Although I also believe that a father will be held accountable for the choices
they make and the things they teach thier children- be they good or bad.
The cost of the legal system to get custody/child support adjusted is
prohibitive for most single fathers. The system is still heavily weighted to
mothers no matter what the life styles they may or may not choose, often to the
detriment of the children. When a child chooses to live with the father and the
ex-spouse refuses to end receiving the child support until the court forces her
to. The cost of having that done is more than what many single dads can pay out
to an attorney or the courts. There should be a way to accomplish it without the
use of an attorney or an unreasonable court fee.
From what I have seen over and over again, if the father gets physical custody
of the children in a divorce, he finds a woman to raise his children instead of
doing it himself. His mom, girlfriend, new wife, sister or grandmother ends up
being the parent. Yes, I know there are exceptions, but generally this is what
happens, and the worst part is that the kids do not get raised by the mother or
father. Typically, in this situation, the father's girlfriend or new
wife will set about trying to get rid of the children's mother due to
jealousy, by convincing the father to accuse the mother of all kinds of things
in order to get full custody. Ask any divorce lawyer. This kind of thing is
rampant. If it didn't happen in your divorce, kudos, but it happens
way too often and the kids are the big losers.
@LeaveIdahoalone. That may be true about stepmothers but parent alienation
occurs more with the mother's themselves in efforts to punish fathers. To
me this is worse. A a bio-mother has much more influence on her children than a
stepmother and the damage they can do is despicable and harmful more to the
child than the ex-husband she is selfishly trying to punish.