My introverted daughter is now going to high school online and doing so much
better. She has a few opportunities to socialize, takes private music lessons,
and will graduate in 3 years rather than 4. So glad this mode of education is
available to her.
Really good article that communicates what I have thought for years, but never
been able to express this well.
Great article. I know in education there seems to be a push to push cooperative
learning and collaborative activities. However, there should be balance and
what was said is true, most creativity actually happens in solitude. The
problem with too many these days, children and adults alike, is that they
don't seek or get that solitude needed to find their creative energy and
I'm an introvert and my parents thought I was one of the strangest kids
they'd ever known. I didn't like being around people and as an adult,
I still don't like being around people. The problem is that extroverts are
the large majority of personality types and consequently, they make the rules
regarding what is normal. This is so wrong. People need to be themselves
without the pressure of having to conform to some unrealistic social rule.
I remember all too well. In the early 1960's, when any kid who didn't
join in group activities was considered a misfit, and it was assumed that every
little boy should want to be like Mickey Mantle, I was sent to the school
psychologist because I didn't care to play softball, preferring imaginary
As a very strong introvert I can strongly relate to what is being said here.
Social situation absolutely drain me. I realized I was an introvert at a young
age, I loved my paper route because it gave me 2 hours to be by myself and to
just think. Even these days I often go hiking alone, most people don't
understand why I enjoy going alone, for me that alone time recharges me and
helps me be able to face the extroverted world later. One of the
biggest misconceptions is that introverts don't like to be around people.
That is false. We like to be around people just in small intimate groups and in
measured doses. Everyone needs human companionship. A loud party with lots of
people will just force us to draw into our shells and we will leave the party
exhausted and depressed.Our culture is definitely geared towards the
extrovert. Even in the church we have a very strong extroverted culture.
Meetings, activities, callings, even the 3 hour church block can be quite
exhausting for an introvert.
Church youth activities are often planned for the extrovert. A quiet youth is
put on the spot to do something solo in front of everyone that he or she may
find very uncomfortable. The result is that introverted youth may avoid such
activities altogether. A prominent church leader once counseled me not to call
on people to pray in public without asking the person privately in advance,
giving that person the opportunity to decline, or else in doing so we might
discourage that person from attending. My son enjoyed football and was quite
good at playing on the line but did not want to play a skill position (even
though the coaches wanted him to be the kicker) because he did not like the
pressure of having a stadium full of eyes upon him for those few seconds he
might have the ball. Our efforts as parents and youth leaders should be directed
toward involving youth in ways where they can learn and participate and grow in
a manner that is best suited for the particular person, rather than orienting
each activity only toward the youth who thrive on being the center of attention.
When I went to school, we all had our own desks (lined up in rows) and did our
own work, unless there was a SPECIFIC project that required us to have a
partner(s). There is ALWAYS someone that does most of the work, while the whole
group got "credit" for the project at hand. Not good. It's just
another way for the schools to take away the individuality of the child and put
them in the whole. Communism 101.
Great article and comments but I want to speak up for the minority who are like
me. I have been confused and conflicted for most of my life until I learned the
true meaning of an introvert a couple of years ago. I used to try to tell people
that I had a strong shy side but no one believed me. I chatter when I feel
uncomfortable socially and I have always needed a great deal of alone time. I am
drained by social events.The reason people didn't believe I am
shy is because I'm not. I finally learned from research that a person can
be outgoing and verbally adept but also an introvert. This is a hard dichotomy
because the two sides of the person fight each other. With age I have become
even more of an introvert and hate crowds. For those few like me, it helps to
understand this and makes it easier to incorporate both sides of your nature.
Introverts of the world UNITE!! I hate large noisy crowds, won't go to a
mall. If I shop, I know what I want, I go get it, and then get out. I even
detest going to church, and being around people - they annoy me. I love my
solitude where I do most of my thinking and planning.
@Mainly MeIt's not necessarily that there are more extroverts,
it's that they're more out there, making rules. Even if you could make
the rules of society, would you? Probably not, because that would involve
dealing with people. Extroverts just get out and do more stuff with more people,
so people are more in contact with extroverts. Although, I have noticed a lot of
my friends are introverts who have been trained to act like extroverts, either
because of family pressure or the excessive socialization that's been
adopted in schools. I don't think it's good for their mental health
because they don't understand introversion and extroversion very well and
think that something is wrong with them.
Liahona is right on--large noisy crowds can be unpleasant for an introvert. If
I have to shop, I too go in, get it, and get out. Fast. My extrovert
acquaintances learned a long time ago to not bother asking me to go shopping
with them, or to big shebangs like festivals or downtown gatherings.I come from a long line of introverts. I wish my parents had helped me
understand that it was ok for me to be an introvert, but now that I think about
it, they probably didn't understand it themselves. Teachers and fellow
students made me feel like there was something weirdly wrong with me, because I
didn't babble my head off, or join comfortably in groups. On the plus
side, I was forced to learn to function in social and group situations, and I
can do that easily now when it is required. But I must have frequent solitude
I was also one of those kids who used to come home from school and need some
time alone in my room to re-energize. My parents thought I was a weird kid due
to things like that. At least now I know that it was simply because I'm an
I'm a 55-year-old software engineer and closet introvert. During the 5
years I served as word clerk I learned to approach strangers in church to ask
for their information, and I have had a long sequence of "extrovert"
callings. However, I still treasure time alone. I also bring to the party a
healthy dose of depression. How many times have I heard "You can't
have depression - you're one of the happiest people I know!"Oh, yes, I am also a ham. I may not interact well in a large group, but give
me a stage and an audience and you may be surprised at what happens.It can be hard, but it really helps if we learn that not everyone responds to
any given stimulus the way we do. I am still learning this lesson. Someday in
the dim distant future I will be perfect. In the meantime, if I am suddenly
quiet in a large group, don't assume something is wrong. I may just have
reverted to "introvert" for a few minutes. I'll be back!
I wish people would stop casting introverts and extroverts as an irreparable
condition that cannot change. If you're happy being introverted, then stay
that way and be happy with it. If you're happy being extroverted, then the
same thing. But one can transition between those characteristics with time and
thoughtful practice... It also requires putting oneself into situations that
would otherwise be uncomfortable and learning to cope with it. That's how I
was able to open up more, and change my own default nature. And yes, I'm
familiar with the definition of both, etc.Honestly I've got
nothing against people who decide to be introverted, as long as they don't
completely withdraw from all human contact, and extroverts who are outspoken as
long as they can eventually learn to respect others. IMO, it's a matter of
choosing to keep an open mind, not embracing one's nature as hopelessly
unchangeable--because too often that's just an excuse to behave badly.
"Most importantly, as a society obsessed with the charismatic leader, we
need to take special care that the introverted among us, those quiet children on
the corners, don’t get left behind." Unless they want to be. At
the same time there are folks that in other circumstances would have been more
extroverted but were raised in a small community or were apart from others
because of moral choices or even obligations (have to work, less play time).It is refreshing and "recharging" (?) to be alone an not have
something going on all the time.I remember some counsel given by President
Hiinckley who recommended that people take a three hour break every three months
where they just think. No reading, no music or distractions just be alone and
think.I love the early morning quiet in the house and neighborhood.