That's why shacking up isn't necessarily a bad thing; if it isn't
going to mesh, marriage will just make it worse.
All the more reason to try things out before getting married. There
is nothing wrong with adults making adult decisions
Chris B, thanks for saying what I tried to say. I guess I exceeded the 200 word
limit or was off topic?
Chris B. : marriage is for adults; and many grown adults never grow up.
We have a huge problem with uncommitted people. It is showing up everywhere.We have a bunch of losers who play video games as adults.Nice "adult" decision making.Get serious about life! Get
committed! Get married!
This article is rife with noncommital words: 'often,' 'more
likely,' 'may,' 'suggests,' 'much less/more
likely,' and devoid of hard data, ie NUMBERS. This article was promulgated
by an organization with an agenda, The National Marriage Project. Never mind
that more than half of all marriages end in divorce, which 'suggests'
that blindly committing to marriage is not the answer and that children suffer
from the upheaval of marriage just as much as from the upheaval of nonmarital
childbearing. Perhaps preparing people for real life and having Big Business be
on the side of families instead of on the side of $hareholders....gee...do ya
think more marriages might stay together if life was not such a $truggle and
$train with $o much $tress because bu$iness charges $o much for life's
basic necessities so that CEOs can buy more yacht$ and mansion$? (Hello, Mitt)
How about if men respected women more? How about if sex was celebrated and not
shamed? There are many variables to consider.
Very few people take marriage seriously in this day and age. The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints has standards which are very strict against
cohabitation before marriage... However, in my life, I've been in
situations where cohabitation (with a roommate or other family members) was
unavoidable. I have found that learning to live with a person helps strengthen
the relationship, but you still need some sort of higher commitment (engagement
or marriage) there to make it truly work.
Or, you could become one of the promiscuous divorced adults we see on these
comment boards who implies that their world filled with multiple sex partners
and pornography is fun and free, and how marriage destroyed them! Besides, the
world is progressing to a stage where sex with everyone and everything will not
be looked down upon, and anyone disagreeing must be a repressive bigot who is
going against freedom. Looks like evolution is starting to head
backwards for humans.
Red, you're absolutely right. We do have a bunch of losers as young adults,
unable to make sufficient commitment to even expose themselves to sunlight on a
regular basis. I figure those serious enough about life to actually be able to
support themselves in a shackup situation ought to be able to do so for
themselves, and thereafter determine if marriage is wise or even necessary.
I must say some of the comments sadden me. Why do people so often find it
necessary to call names because someone else doesn't conform to their
thoughts? If you play a video game you're losers? My spouse has a PhD and
reads the funny papers. Is Gin rummy allowable? I happen to be an adult. I
happen to play an occasional video game. I also have a library which includes a
good number of the classics. I also happen to be a committed husband and father.
I own a very nice house. I serve in my church. I do my best to instill good
values in my family. It's interesting that the stats for LDS temple
marriages that end in divorce are close to the rest of society. Just getting
married doesn't make one accomplished at this "game" of life. Some
folks might think that being overly judgmental qualifies for a loser tag. Other
folks just think name calling is childish.
This is a reaon why many people are pro marriage for same sex couples.
Marriage by nature is about commitment. For me I've been married 19 years
and enjoying my life. My marriage has been a joy. Joy does not always mean
easy, in fact at times it has been a real challenge faced and conquered
together. There have been times that I've wondered if life would be easier
without kids or without my wife. When I get over these moments/periods of
depression and really think deeply about life I've concluded that
'going it alone' would not be easier. And for me I doubt it would be
more joyful. It is commitment that has helped me through the periods of
greatest challenge. I suppose without the commitment (the article calls it
'decide') 'sliding' out of the relationship may just happen.
Two bad decisions will never lead to a good decision, neither will three or
four. We can't keep coming up with excuses that enable bad decision
making by adults. Failure to promote positive interpersonal relationships with
feelings of commitment, respect, and love is a scourge on our society that is
far worse than any potential outside threat this country faces. Testing
out a relationship - What does that mean? Is it like a test drive for a new
car?What incredibly deranged thinking is this, that we treat each other in
our society like the objects we can purchase at the nearest store!No
wonder family stability is on the decline in this country, seeing how these
people we treat as objects, act and react to our poor decisions towards them.
@ Chris B.I appreciate your words. I will use them when I promote
Same Sex marriage : "There is nothing wrong with adults making adult