Sometimes it's the dad who is trying the hardest to build a strong
relationship, but the mother will tear it down and make the children thin think
that he is a bad father. I believe it's called "The Hostile Wife
Syndrome." Anybody besides me had to deal with something like that?
Oh crud! I guess if these researchers can get along from byu & USU to
complete this study, I can say something nice for the first time in 20 years: Go
Aggies.....(big breath) go cougars.
My son in law was on his way out the door to attend a General Priesthood session
of conference and stopped to offer an apology to his wife (my daughter). Puzzled
by his impromptu apology she asked him what he was apologizing to her for and he
said, "I don't know now, but I am going to a meeting to find out".
lol Not saying we men don't need correction but I doubt women get much
"correction" at RS meetings. Maybe they don't need it as much as we
Mountanman,Believe me, Relief Society is a weekly guilt trip of all
the things we could be doing better as wives, mothers, neighbors,
missionaries... Nobody outright says (at least, not in my ward) we're doing
it wrong, but most of us take that message away.
I'm curious how the researchers would justify these new
'findings' while noting the many good marriages from the past that had
less sharing of duties. I'd guess that shared roles in marriage isn't
new but wasn't widely accepted in the past, hence the Father stereotypes
shown on TV in the past. Those tv stereotypes were merely an imitation of real
life and real opinions/actions.
"Shared chores", like him doing the dishes? Why doesn't she ever
clean out the rain gutters or mow the lawn?
@ Ernest T. Bass: My wife often mowes the lawn, tends the garden and once, when
I was at work, she tore apart and repaired the tiller. When it snows there are
two shovels at work on the driveway. I help on the inside of the house on
everything except that darned dusting!
Interesting study. I would guess that the perception of 'fairness' has
a lot more to do with happiness in marriage than the actual division of labor.
For example, when we were first married, my wife told me she hated doing the
Kitchen. As an expression of my love for her, I've always made sure the
kitchen stays clean. As her physical health has deteriorated, I have taken on
even more household chores - even though I work 40+ hours a week (she also works
full-time). Also, she relates better to some of our children than I do, while
the opposite is true of other of our children. If asked, both of us would say
that we have the 'ideal' marriage, despite our uneven household
No marriage should be a fifty-fifty proposition.All marriages, to
truly be happy marriages, should be one-hundred percent / one-hundred percent
propositions.Indeed, not just propositions but realities.
In the past year or so, I have started taken over doing the dishes. I use to
work away from home, and my wife was at home. Now she works away from home, and
I work mostly at home. I contribute in that way much more. She still does a lot
of housework. But much more sporadically.Another study I saved a few
months back indicated that where men do more "traditional" chores at
home (taking care of the yard, fixing stuff, etc), the couple share intimacy
more frequently. And, those men who do what some would call "women's
work" 'get it' less frequently. And, according to this other
study, the more that men do "women's work" (as it were), the LESS
the "get"!I guess women want to be women and they want their
men to be men. I better get out and start doing more yard work!
Oatmeal, does she have a sister?
I don't mind doing dishes or laundry or helping with vacuuming and other
household chores - especially on weekends. But it definitely wears on me when I
feel like I'm doing half or more of the housework and I have a stay at home
wife. We both have our roles - mine as breadwinner working 50+ hours a week and
my wife taking care of our family and home. But its frustrating when I'm
expected to work 50+ hours a week and then come home and have to do 3 hours of
housework because nothing got done during the day. Is it wrong of me to expect
some housework to get done during the day from a stay-at-home-mom?
Might be interesting to couple this study up with a left-brain/right brain
preference. Me and my wife are atypical in that regard--she more left, me more
right (no pun intended). As a result, she'd rather work outside, and as a
result, (since my mom was such a good tutor), I spend more time doing the
indoors stuff than the left-brained man!