Why would you start with children in foster care? Those children have been
removed from their parents for a reason. If you truly have the best interests
of the child in mind, this is a horrible place to start.
People should leave things alone. I was adopted. While I'm curious about
birth parents I am g;ad they were not sticking their nose into my life growing
up. Being a kid is confusing enough. You don't need a birth parent in the
mix creating more confusion. My birth parents gave me up for adoption in hopes
of giving me a better chance in life, as at that time of their life they
couldn't be a proper parent. They are not my parents. They may be curious
about me as well but they are not my parents nor should they have a prominent
place in my life. This idea being floated around is wrong and is going to create
some serious problems in kids.
I think it would be best for birth parents to have limited (letters, pictures
and the like) or no contact with the children they put up for adoption. Namely I
worry that they might attempt to kidnap the child away from his legal guardians
(happens all the time--just check out the Missing Child notices posted around
your neighborhood), or as mentioned in the article, leave the kids even more
screwed up after visitations. Not only that, they might put up a stink if their
input isn't solicited or followed by the adoptive parents when it comes to
how to raise the child.
I think this bill sounds like a bad idea. Fact of the matter is if I am
adopting a child, it becomes my child. I'm not babysitting for the birth
When we adopted our daughter, she became OUR daughter. We became financially
responsible, responsible to educate, protect, guide, discipline, and teach her.
She was integrated into our extended families and given unconditional acceptance
and love. She was not shared with us, she was given to us by her birth mother.
Like any other gift, I don't want the giver looking over my shoulder. I
don't want to be forced to provide updates, pictures, or anything else to
the birth mother. If we had decided to do that on our own fine, but I do not
want that to be mandated. Sorry it that rubs some of you the wrong way, but she
is OUR daughter and we are to protect her, even from her birth family if
This article quoted just a few of the many feelings that I have regarding the
adoptions of my children, and there is something I would like to clarify. While
I am FOR open adoption, for the most part, I am AGAINST legally enforcing
visitation agreements. I agree with the fact that these are MY children. When
we signed the papers making this fact legally binding, we were told that these
children were ours in every way that a child born naturally to us would be. And
that definitely includes making the choice as to whom may have involvement in
their lives. Our children's birth mothers have never tried to interfere in
our parenting and there is no question, to anyone involved, that we are the
parents. We do not co-parent. We simply choose to honor the fact that these
children would not be ours had these women not brought them into our world.
However, as the parents, we deserve to maintain the right to cease any and all
involvement should the situation ever change to something that is no longer in
our child's best interest.
Open adoption idea is a concept that will destroy lives of 2 family's and
the child or children.Adoption is total surrender of claim or
knowledge of a child. Like one adopted person said, I'm sure they should
have full control of and voice of this legislation, it is their lives being put
to stress. Adoption has been an act of complete separation of rights by birth
parents to any facet of a childs life or development. Just because of financial
hardships people give up their children does not give them the right to have any
infromation.The only change in adoption laws and it should be done
at the federal level is that adoption consent must be by both biological parents
and that neither father or mother can violate this consent. Its one thing to not
notify fathers and keep a child from him but its criminal to deny a father his
right to knowledge of or adoption of his birth righted children.
Former president of the Utah Adoption Council, Hardy, is quoted as saying
"There's certainly concern we're cheapening the parental
relationship if you have an enforceable agreement." Child custody orders in
divorce decrees ARE enforceable. It's not cheapening anything because
it's what was decided is best for the child. To change the terms, parents
must return to court and present a case why it must change, and have the court
agree. It can be done for good reasons. If AP's have legitimate reasons,
then they can present that to a court as well. If they don't, then they
shouldn't be changing the terms on their own. To not have that requirement
in place is basically saying "open adoption" itself, not the child, is
the bargaining chip to having any adoption at all, for those who have no
intention of honoring the agreements they made to child's family. Those
AP's who intend to keep their word, should have no problem with this
Although it specifies the initial legislation will be for the children adopted
from foster care, I could see it eventual becoming a way to increase infant
adoptions by convincing expectant mothers that adoption is the way to go because
now open will actually mean open. The possibility that adoptions can currently
close at any time, for any reason, may be enough to keep some of the mothers who
know this, from relinquishing their own babies.Jenkins said his
adopted nephew's visits with his "birth mother"was a "negative
experience" and "created more problems." Negative for whom?
Problems for whom? Do they realize the importance & benefit to the child?
Are they truly committed to the child having that contact? Is the child picking
up on the negative feelings the adoptive family may have about open adoption?
How are things being explained to the child? What can be done to improve the
situation so the child can continue contact with his family? All questions that
deserve explanation before simply closing an open adoption.
Ace. So then you logic makes the natural mother nothing more then a breeder..CHS 85..So I assume then all that paperwork is the equivalent to a bill of
sale then huh..Infant adoption is a social experiment gone wrong. So sad
to see the comments on here that show what is best for the adoptive parents and
that's it,, Shouldn't it be what is best for the baby. But the
adopters chose not to see it that way. They see their need as the only relevant
need. In fact the best thing is not for the infant to be taken from its mother.
Yes there are many children in foster care and in group homes (that's a
nice word for orphanage) Adopt them. If you want to do what is best for the
mother and child then help the mother keep her baby.. the way nature
Open adoption is NOT co-parenting. The AP's are the legal parents.
However, adoptees will always have 2 families. Adoption does not stop the
relationship of the child to his/her original family, nor the importance of
it.Adoption is always going to be a different experience than what
biological families have, from both the child's and the parents'
perspectives. Prospective adoptive parents should be thoroughly advised of
these differences long before any adoption is finalized. Sometimes that might
involve going outside of the adults' comfort level for the benefit of the
child. AP's who are not prepared or willing to acknowledge and accommodate
the adoptee's other family, perhaps may not be the best-suited candidates
for adoptive parenthood. Perhaps those who insist upon exclusivity should
consider getting a puppy instead.
Actually child abductions are about parents and grandparents stealing child away
from the other parent. Or a stranger. Is a child confused about a
step parent? Open adoption doesn't mean custody.You are not
going to get legal uncoerced placements with consent from both the bio dad and
bio mom without openness. Why should a child lose all contact with their bio
parent? Second cousin twice removed can have contact with their child but they
can't? Really? When you treat bio family like evil people that are
dangerous what are you saying to the child? It is no worse than bad talking the
other parent in a divorce situation. They take it as a reflection on themselves.
You should not be adopting. Exactly what problems did this
lawyer's nephew go through seeing him birth mom? Adoptees by an large wish
they had this or are glad they have this. In fact in most open adoptions the
children want more contact than their bio parents are available for. Adoption isn't surrender. Bio parents don't give up. They place
their child. They place trusting the openness will be honored. Its the AP going
back and changing things.
Yes! Open adoption agreements should be legally enforceable! Anyone who is
saying the post adoption contact between the relinquishing families and the
adoptive families is not a good idea is clearly ignorant of real adoption
issues. Many women who "choose" adoption do so based on the
pretense that they will have continued contact with their child. In fact, the
adoption industry has conducted market research on this and modified adoption
starting in the early 1980's to be more open for this very reason. When the
rates of relinquishment went down, the industry found out why.. mothers WANT to
know what happens to their babies. Open adoptions are Promised to mothers and in
return they relinquish.I know 100's of mothers who were
promised contact with their babies and would not have relinquished if they knew
they were getting closed adoptions. This is bait and switch.It is false
advertising on behalf of the agencies and adoptive parents and is beyond cruel.
According to the professionals, open adoption is usually in the best interests
of adopted children. It is not co-parenting. If you don't want an open
adoption - don't promise one just to get "a child of your own".
The only thing this proposed law will do is make you keep your word.Many prospective adopters don't like having to compete with other
prospective adopters, undergo intrusive home studies, pay exorbitant fees,
endure follow up visits or answer the inevitable questions from their adopted
child. Don't like it? Nobody owes you a child. Nobody is forcing you to