At the very minimum, the federal government must be contained by consitutional
restraints, which is to allow the states to come up with their own plans to deal
with not just this issue, but every related issue that is not the Federal
Government's business. Penalizing marraige, and encouraging men and women
to live together without it, is just one of them. The irony of all this is
watching both political parties scramble to 'solve' the problem by
means of compulsion, something that will only make things worse. Any person who
believes that compulsion is the best way to deal with this is delusional at
best. Until enough citizens realize that the best way to solve a problem is by
teaching and living correct principles within the familly, we will continue to
have a government that spends more and solves less. Right now our federal
government promotes welfare, promotes living together without marraige (via tax
policy and a host of other anti-family measures), and has abandoned its primary
role of guranteeing rights and abiding by constitutional law.
Allow gays to marry. Implement a single payer health care system to remove the
burden and worry of health care from so many families. Create a broader social
safety net.Make post secondary education more affordable. There are lots of
things we can do as a society to help marriage and family besides just trying to
force them into some mould a church imposes.
There is a national interest in having strong families. 60%, as quoted in the
article, is a huge number which will have significant national consequences.
However, some of the liberal solutions - perhaps unintentionally - place a
bigger burden on families through higher taxes for some, if not all.
It is sobering that family researchers are learning things that have long
been taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints and other
organizations. Please see *The Family, A Proclamation to the World*; by going
to LDS.org, then RESOURCES, then HOME AND FAMILY, and finally, the
proclamation.*WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of
chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family
responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn
that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities,
and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to
promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the
fundamental unit of society.*Never more timely and necessary
Take away no fault divorce laws and limit alimony to 3 years maximum and you
will see divorce drop in half. You would then see a much more favorable view
from couples who are living together to get married. Easy divorce
had led to a crumbling of the state of marriage.
I know the mood of this country right now is "we've got to do
something " for every problem we have. Funny how we never had to
"do" anything 50 years ago to avoid these calamities that have arisen in
recent years. Is it because we have forgotten God? We allowed people to push God
out of our public life and we allowed it to carry over to our personal life
also. Creating a larger social safety net and providing free health care and
gays to marry will not change this trend. The only way to change this tsunami is
to put God back in our personal lives. Teach kids morals at home and at school.
Teach them ethics at home and school. Otherwise...the problems will only
continue to get worse!
I would like to remarry. But the aftermath of my long-term marriage is plainly:
She was financially rewarded for quitting the marriage, She got Half my pension.
Half my 401k Plus she gets Spousal support (about 30% of my gross) until I reach
retirement age. She has a dis-incentive to remarry or cohabit as she would lose
the Spousal Support which doubled her annual income. Its a real challenge to
have to choose between paying a full tithe or making my house payment. Stories
of miracalous financial events tied from paying a full tithe make me winch and
Ms. Carbone says the problem is not family values. It's the chief problem.
People nowadays condone, accept and even promote cohabitation and even having
children before marriage. Divorce used to be strongly discouraged and people
who had divorced were seen negatively by society and in some circles even
shunned. Nowadays many people see divorce as a solution to problems. I'm
certainly not in favor of judging a person based on his or her marriage record
because nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. But society should do
everything reasonable to support marriage and discourage divorce. There should
be tax incentives FOR married couples rather than tax penalties against them.
As for Carbone's claim that income inequality is to blame, she can't
have it both ways. She complains that the Donald Trumps of the world make too
much money, and then she complains there are too many women (vs. men) who are
college educated and well paid.
There are tax incentives for married couples. That's why Obama had long
been saying that he wanted to get rid of the bush tax cuts for individuals
making over 200k and couples making over 250k.
I applaud the Center for Marriage and Families for focusing on real threats to
marriage. I've participated in countless forums, debates, and speeches
where the issue of marriage for gay and lesbian couples is framed as "Gay
Marriage v. Defending Marriage." There are real threats to marriage in
society, but it's not the two men who live together down the street.
Let's focus on systemic disincentives to entering marriage and staying
married. Gay and lesbian couples are scapegoats and keeping 5% of the population
from getting a marriage license won't protect your families. Let's
talk about what will.
Decreasing the wage gap will NOT help fsmilies...it will further driver parents
out of the home in search of the "almighty buck". Want to fix families
and raise well-balanced children? Then, Mom, stay home and teach them. Yes, I
realize people will respond to my comment about keeping the women bare foot and
pregnant. That is not my stance at all. It actually takes a very smart mother
to raise well-balanced children. But don't abandon your children by
entering the workforce.
Both Hutterite and UtahDemocrat advocate same-gender marriage as a possible help
for the reported decline in marriage.This is an old argument used by
bureaucrats for generations: When the statistics show that "something"
is failing, redefine the "something." It's done in the schools all
the time: when schools fail to meet their projected standards, they simply
redefine the standards.I don't buy that redefinition scheme.
Redefining marriage to include same-gender marriage will not give society what
it needs. In fact, it will cause more problems than it could possibly solve.
True, many of those problems will not show up immediately, but when they do show
up the disaster will be awful to behold.
One thing the author of this article could do to strengthen families in this
country is to stop lying about families. The believe that a man and woman are
the best parental pairing. "That is, lesbian and gay parents
are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive and healthy
environments for their children. This body of research has shown that the
adjustment, development, and psychological well-being of children are unrelated
to parental sexual orientation and that the children of lesbian and gay parents
are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish." A
person cannot argue for strengthening families but refuse recognize all
families. When all families are valued then families will become more valued.
Sponge Bob wrote: Funny how we never had to "do" anything 50 years ago
to avoid these calamities that have arisen in recent years. Is it because we
have forgotten God?Fifty years ago we forced people to live as
second class citizens in many parts of the nation, homosexuals were forced to
live in denial of their true nature, inter-racial marriage was illegal in many
states, women were forced to remain in abusive marriage due to the difficulty
and social stigma associated with divorce, and religious intolerance were the
rule of the day.No, our society have greatly improved were more
people are free to participate openly in society and women have greater freedom
to determine the course of their lives and bodies.Marriage should be
strengthened but not by forcing bad marriages to continue and denying the rights
RE: Turtles Run. You're wrong. Truly gay and lesbian couple are not
capable of having children.
JeffHow is same-sex marriage "redefining marriage"?
Marriage has evolved throughout time and will continue to evolve. If two
consenting adults wish to marry then let them It does not affect your marriage
or mine. It does however provide a level of legitimacy that will strengthen
@HutteriteDemonizing religion and promoting an even bigger, more
unsustainable government is simply not the right answer.Regarding
your religious "mould" comment, I can only assume you mean the
predominant religious: LDS... Have you seen the "I'm a Mormon"
campaign? Even I was shocked (and pleased) by the diverse representatives of the
faith in the campaign.Bigger government (e.g. single payer
healthcare, increased welfare programs, cheaper education, etc.) is what got us
in this debt mess to begin with! Every liberal should be required to take a
basic economics course. Scarcity of resources is a principle tenet. And without
some major rethinking, each of the objectives you mention costs money.
@Ender"Every liberal should be required to take a basic economics
course. "Republicans should take that course too. Then they
would learn that tax cuts don't increase revenue (if they did then we could
lower taxes to 0, balance the budget, pay off the deficit, and surely we'd
have enough money left over to buy everyone a pony).
Turtles RunLast time I checked, it takes a male and a female to
procreate and it is through procreation a family can be formed. Adam and Steve
cannot make it happen just as Abby and Eve cannot do it either. Accept it.The best family environment for children begins with a loving,
supportive heterosexual marriage. Please let us stop kidding ourselves about
this. With that said, yes it is possible to have a functional family environment
with other configurations but they will never be ideal and we should do all we
can to strengthen traditional marriage and families.
More should have been said about older people marrying. Some would gladly do so
but don't, if they can't get medical care, or if the income won't
be sufficient, in their view, to live on, especially depending on the place they
live. But they are often overlooked since having children is not an issue and no
one thinks it means that much to them any more...but I'm here to tell you,
it does. And it does matter to people that they be able to marry the person they
love. It does matter whether the couple raising a child loves one another,
whether they are the biological parents or not, same gender, grandparents,
extended family, or not. What children need is the example before them, a
family. And sometimes, just mom or just dad, is all there is, and we have to not
make that parent feel inadequate for doing the best he or she can with all
they've got.. So let's do the best we can with what we have, and help
one another in the spirit of brotherly love. Can we do that?
Some suggestions for Barack on how to strengthen families...1. Stop
all federally funded abortions from Obamacare. Families are strengthened when
children actually live and get to join a family - the biological or adopted
family.2. Stop gay marriage and allow a safe and healthy place for adopted
children to be taught and nurtured.3. Stop raising taxes on families
making it all but impossible to make ends meet. Try cutting taxes for once.4. Stop raising taxes on small business so people can find jobs to support
their families.5. Stop legalizing drugs such as Marijuana so that families
don't die on the highway from a pot smoker who has lost touch with reality.
6. Stop trying to ban guns so that families can protect themselves from
evil killers. 7. Stop borrowing trillions from China so that future
Americans will actually have a future.8. Start cutting government programs
before all of America goes bankrupt. Families can't function under
bankruptcy. There are more.... but these will get you started
turtles run-I can find just as many studies supporting heterosexual
couples as the best parents as you can supporting homosexual couples.My question to you is this: "If gender doesn't matter when raising a
child and any two adults will do, wouldn't 3, 4 or 5 adults be better at
raising a child?"
Here in Washington State we just approved gay marriage by 56.4% of the votes
because we think every family is important and a positive message about
patriot,1. Done.. they never were2. Doesn't make sense.
You seem to think there's a shortage of adopted children. There
aren't.3. Talk to your Republican friends who are holding your tax
cuts hostage. In fact Obama has not raised your taxes. Taxes are set by
Congress.4. See #35. Voters are working on legalizing marijuana. The
President hasn't.6. Obama has not put forward any proposal to ban
guns.7. China doesn't hold as much debt as you think it does.8.
Sure, let's start with the military which has said they don't need as
much money that Congress insists they have.And yes Mick. Multiple
adults in a child's life is better. No parent ever raises a child by
themselves unless they live in a vacuum. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, teachers
and even clergy help raise children.
Dano-And it is best when they have a MOM and a DAD in the home.
The fact that every time we talk about strengthening marriage, someone discusses
gay marriage is evidence that gay marriage is weakening marriage. Honestly I
don't care about it in this context, but unfortunately, it has dilluted the
discussion, in typical its narcissistic fashion. "Look at me. It's all
about me. Look at me I'm gay." The intent of strenghtening
marriage is to give children more means, a better home environment, but gay
marriage reduces the marriage relationship down to the question "with do you
prefer having sexual relations?" Sex can be a component to marriage, but it
is just one piece to what makes a committed marriage. And if we were to examine
it in the context of what's keeping people from embracing marriage, one
might suppose that the only effect focusing on sexual relations has on marriage
is that (because promiscuity is so rampant), marriage seem pointless--since
people getting sex without marriage. Children deserve better,
stronger homes, with parents that are committed to one another through marriage.
Without a proper focus on the actual problems in marriage we'll never get
around to solving them. We need to redefine marriage in other terms.
MickPlease provide your unbiased source(s). My evidence is from an
actual medical association, the American Psychological Association. Children
benefit most by being raised in loving stable households. Your comments are
reminiscence of those that claimed children from mixed race parents were at a
@Turtles RunJust because someone reads a professional journal does
not make everything that is read actual fact. Don’t forget there are
professionals in the same field that would disagree with their findings using
their research to substantiate their own claims.
"'I think that what we're seeing today is a lot of weakening
capabilities of young men,'" said Lerman. He noted males lag behind
females in both college and high school graduation and said he supports trying
to expand occupational training, especially apprenticeship, to help young men
and young women — but especially men — to gain certain mastery of an
occupation they can take pride in."So let me get this
straight... we have removed male scholarships through title IX, we favor female
college applicants over male applicants through affirmative action, most
colleges have removed due process for males and assume the guilt of any man
named in a harassment complaint, we've vilified the establishment of
"male studies" programs as misogynist while awarding PhDs in
"women's studies"... and then we wonder how we're weakening
the capabilities of young men? Is this quote some kind of joke? Is the author
of the quote so steeped in or confined to his own ivory tower that he can't
even see straight? Amazing. Truly amazing.
"Lerman.... noted males lag behind females in both college and high school
graduation and said he supports trying to expand occupational training,
especially apprenticeship, to help young men and young women — but
especially men — to gain certain mastery of an occupation they can take
pride in."And just where are we going to find all the young
women with bachelor and masters degrees who will take enduring interest in
marrying their lower earning, less educated male counterparts?
@Born That Way:You wrote: "Children deserve better, stronger homes,
with parents that are committed to one another through marriage. Without a
proper focus on the actual problems in marriage we'll never get around to
solving them. We need to redefine marriage in other terms."I
agree 100% with you.I assume that when you talk about children , you
include all of them. Some children are adopted or gestated by gay parents.
Therefore, I have to conclude you are a SSM supporter.Also, I am
pleasantly surprised that you asked to "redefine " marriage. Which is
usually the line that those who are against SSM use.I think the
premise of this article is that marriage should not be abolish but fortified by
allowing all of those able to implement a parental role, to commit in the civil
or religious contract called marriage.My dear "Born That
Way" Thank you for your support.
Ban homosexual marriage, teach moral and virtuous values in schools, strengthen
the traditional family, improve marriage counseling, put religion back into the
family, and last, but not least, hold people accountable for their actions. I
can think of many more suggestions, but I would be here all day.
@Big J and OpinionatedI take it neither of you have ever heard of in
vitro fertilization or surrogacy pregnancies or adoption? Not only are same sex
couple capable of producing children they should be allowed to adopt, as there
are plenty of kids in this country in need of adoptive parents.As to
the discussion of redefining marriage, marriage has been redefined many times
throughout history. Historically many marriages consisted of exchanging
one's daughter for cattle or land. Some marriages invoked one many and a
harem of women. In many cases women didn't get a say in who they married
(and sometimes neither did men.) Humans are an adaptable species. To say that
marriage has always been one man and one woman is disingenuous at best.
You cannot paint all divorces with the same brush. Every divorce has a different
story. Sometimes they are breakups for frivolous reasons that could have been
avoided. But other times they are breakups because of abuse or because one or
both spouses refused to compromise in the marriage. Staying together "for
the kids" is not always the best option. If the parents cannot get along,
that is the example they are giving their children. If Dad yells at Mom or Mom
hits Dad, they are making the kids think that is how you behave as a spouse.
Plus that is not a very peaceful home environment for a child. So I think
that each story needs to be looked at individually. If a child has a
mother/father with a healthy marriage, that is good. But sometimes families are
different. Sometimes Mom & StepDad or Dad & StepMom are the healthier
family. Or Grandma & Grandpa. I think what's most important for a child
is having a safe, caring home to be raised in.
I would like to know how Obama's 'Gay Marriage' agenda
Patriot..that is truly one of the most off target remarks ever..by the way what
is the time of day..cut taxes, and give everyone a gun..huh?
You can't tell millions of Americans that they can't marry because
they're not good enough for marriage and expect that the message isn't
going to reach those you would prefer would marry.Those of you who
think that gays and lesbians can't procreate haven't met science.
Science, meet conservatives. Conservatives meet science. Now that you've
been introduced, conservatives, perhaps you'll get a clue?
Apache says:"I would like to know how Obama's 'Gay
Marriage' agenda strengthens families?"---We
gays and lesbians have families too. Marriage, as the article clearly states,
strengthens families - marriage will also strengthen ours. Could it be any
Last word. Democrats benefit from single people politically. They will talk
importance of families while legislating against them. Period. End of story.
How does gay marriage strengthen the eternal family?
Very Concerned. If the Mormon Church is concerned about families perhaps might
consider breaking its noticeable silence on gun control. Seems to me that the
murder of children in this gun toting society is destructive of the familly
unit. Why the silence on this issue?
The wrirer does not know Obama. The president is for the destruction of the
family and religion.
It is not enough to just encourage marriage, or even to implement those policies
which would possibly force women in poverty to remain with abusive partners,
endangering them and their children. Forcing women to stay with abusive partners
because of dire economic consequences will not "strengthen marriage" it
could even raise the statistics on domestic violence and spousal homicide. We
must focus on the well being of children and their mothers first, and also
educating young men in how to treat women with respect. When 2/3 of young
minority men have slim prospects for gainful employment, as well as a very good
chance they will end up incarcerated, this does not "strengthen
marriage". Marriage for marriage's sake is not the answer. Fostering
Loving Non Violent Non Dysfunctional relationships would be a better use of
resources, time, and funds.
While not disagreeing with all points made, the flavor of the article does seem
to be economics. I don't want to paint the recommendations as worship of
the almighty dollar, but there is something missing here that I can comment on
from experience. My family went through a devestating past 3+ years where
we lost everything and I could not find work no matter how hard I tried. Rather
than worrying about just economics, my wife stayed at home with the kids while I
scratched to bring in just enough to support a very meager existance. Our focus
became gratitude to God for what we DID have, not what we were lacking, and
we've never been so happy even though we're not out of the woods still
economically. Obedience to God's commandments, service to others, and
seeking to adopt higher principals than simply affording to buy more and eat
better led to the happiest time in our family's history of 16 years. Hutterite, please back up with facts. I've lived around this
country & families seem weakest in states that allow gays to marry and which
offer residents the widest safety nets. So why take it national?
Who is the authority on what constitutes the family? Religious Conservatives
are unable comprehend that a lesbian, married couple who are raising two
children are enjoying the same lifestyle as straight, married couple. They read
books to them each night, tell them how much they love them, providing them with
music lessons and enjoying their careers as loving and concerned parents. The
lesbian couple I know are fine examples for all parents, not just for other
lesbian parents. Why? Because they are human beings are us. They too raise
children in ways that are obvious healthy and would be healthy for all if we all
followed their example. Love is universal. Their children love their two
parents. They formed familial bonds immediately after birth. If any of you
opened your hearts and regarded them as fine human beings, you would all stop
seeing them as a threat to families. Indeed, they are the finest examples of
what it takes to enjoy wholesome family life. It wouldn't hurt your family
if you mingled with families of same sex parents. You would strengthen
civilization by extending your support to those who are different than you and
really learn something.
Great article, one that every American should ponder. I'd love for you to
visit my high school classroom when my students are given this article as a
reading assignment and discussion topic. The room becomes very tense as I point
out statistics and ask for suggestions from the students as to Why trends move
one way or another. Young people from broken families refuse to acknowledge that
ANY of these statistics could possibly apply to their own family. How much hope
do we have of changing behavior patterns in society unless we persist in making
plain the message of the trends you write about in your article. Just food for
thought. This is what makes teaching high school such a challenge and a calling!
@wayneso the writer does not know the president but you believe you know
what is in his heart and mind? interesting.
Is the "President's Agenda," belonging to President Obama, or the
president of Center for Marriage and Family? These are all good ideas, but if
it's President Obama's agenda, I don't think the government
should be involved. I'm confused if it is President Obama's agenda on
improving families, because it contradicts what he's been supporting.
No one seems to be considering the long-term consequences of legalizing gay
marriage. Once gay marriage is legalized what will prevent other types of
relationships from becoming legal. Polyamorous families (where there are two or
more adults of each sex) are waiting anxiously for gay marriage legalization
because they will then demand the same rights. What's to prevent siblings
from "marrying" or a son and mother, or a father and daughter? Or a
father and son, etc. etc. Defining marriage as between a man and a woman is the
only way to prevent these other relationships from receiving legal recognition.
And, if they get legal recognition the social chaos in our society will be
beyond anything we have ever imagined. And the ones to suffer most will be
children who will grow up to be unstable adults. Stick with one man and one
woman. It's not perfect but it is far superior to any other arrangement.