I would definitely prefer a "fake" ring. It seems to me that beginning a
marriage would be difficult enough without beginning in debt.
Tell her that her fiance is gay. When she starts freaking out, say you're
just joking, but that the ring is fake. She'll be so relieved about her
fiance that she won't be upset about the ring. That way, you can let her
know the truth without making her upset about it.
My husband gave me a small diamond when we were engaged. It was so beautiful to
me! One day the stone fell out. I was devastated! The insurance company paid to
have it replaced and a friend who is a diamond broker sold us a beautiful stone,
more than twice as big as the original. It is beautiful as well, but I still
miss the original- bought out of love and sacrifice.
I have helped people who want to take out huge loans for a ring. It's so
sad to start your marriage out in debt for a rock. My husband purchased a small
ring for me when we were engaged and I loved it. Years later, a health problem
had caused me to loose a lot of weight and my ring fell off my finger one night.
As devestating as it was to loose the ring, the devestation was limited to
emotional loss and not loosing something we were still paying off. In the end,
the ring is just a ring. It has no bearing on how much your spouse actually
loves you or how much value you have. Buy an affordable ring. As far as the
fiance in this story, hopefully she has already been told but is wanting to play
up the excitement of engagement by showing off her ring even though she knows
the rock is fake. And if that's how they chose to keep their finances in
order, more power to them (we chose a tiny real rock instead and I did receive
some comments about it being small but that's their problem).
I disagree with the advice of the column. This is the beginning of the most
important relationship of their lives and if it's a fake and he represented
it as real, I think she would want to know. It's one thing to buy a small,
more affordable ring (as many have already commented . . It's the
sentimental value that counts) and a very different conversation if it's
represented as a real diamond, but a fake. I would find a way to
anonymously let her know the ring is a fake and then she can decide what to do.
If he's lying about the ring, is he lying about something else? It would
be important for her to know this before they get married.Now, if
they were already married, the advice given is appropriate.
Everyone is assuming that 1) the bride doesn't know it's a
"fake" and 2) she would be upset by the fact that it is. It very well
could be that she posted the pic of her ring on Facebook at the request of
friends rather than as boasting about its exorbitant cost. She might already be
aware it's a "fake" and simply isn't as concerned with price
tags as Just Looking Out.I say "fake" with quotations
because the RING and the things it represents are real. The value of the shiny
sparkler set on the ring is ultimately arbitrary and passing. The value of the
promises represented by that "fake bling" can be rock-solid and
priceless, irrespective of the price tag. Assuming this young man isn't
actually lying to the bride, if he can admit he can't afford something but
finds an acceptable compromise with his future wife, it speaks volumes. A man
like that is more precious than any diamonds.Even if he was lying to
her about the ring, though, I agree with the advice in this column. Let the
bride and groom work it out - or not.
I think too many people spend too much time looking at how much the ring costs
instead of what the ring represents. If only a small ring can be afforded then
that's what should be but I don't think the guy should lie to his
fiance. If he couldn't afford a real diamond then he should have told her.
If he lies to her and pretends the ring is fake and she finds out, what does
that say to her about their relationship? He should be honest to her from the
beginning. She will question if anything he says is true if he can't be
honest with her.
Call me crazy if you wish, but I see absolutely no reason why a wedding ring has
to be gold or has to have diamonds. Silver is a lovely medal (that I've
found to be more durable than gold when it comes to holding it's shape),
and it costs a lot less than gold. As for stones, the Rainbow Sapphire rings
(whatever assumption others might make about your "orientation" if you
wore one) are quite likely the most beautiful rings I've ever seen, and
they are generally only a few hundred dollars. There are so many lovely stones
(Lapis, Aquamarine, Topaz, Amethyst, etc.) that it seems silly to be obsessed
with having a traditional ring. Why shouldn't the ring be as unique as the
couple? :) In short, if fake makes them happy, power to them. There's no
need to go into huge debt for a fancy ring, if you ask me.