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Facebook is a breeding ground for accidental affairs

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  • JohnJacobJingleHeimerSchmidt Beverly Hills, CA
    July 18, 2011 12:12 p.m.

    LOL, there are no such things as accidental affairs. A series of choices need to be made to create the problem. This isn't like a car accident.

  • juni4ling Somewhere in Colorado, CO
    July 18, 2011 12:14 p.m.

    There is *zero* truth to the headline: accidental affair.

    Oh, woops, honey, I slipped and fell, and accidentally had an affair before I hit the floor.

    Or,

    "Who put the shoe on the stairs. I tripped, broke my ankle, and had an accidental affair on the way to the hospital..."

  • JohnJacobJingleHeimerSchmidt Beverly Hills, CA
    July 18, 2011 12:37 p.m.

    People who are going to cheat will find ways, Facebook is just another outlet.

    Old fashioned Ways of looking:
    Bars
    Chat rooms
    Classifieds
    Online dating services
    Hot tubs with people from your church

  • ClarkKent Bountiful, Utah
    July 18, 2011 12:38 p.m.

    Yeah let's find something else to blame poor choices on, instead of owing up to it and taking full responsibility. Now its Facebook. Why try to make excuses for people? All that does is delay change.

  • Southern Laveen, AZ
    July 18, 2011 12:47 p.m.

    Note to report: The PR Newswire is not a news source; it is a press release aggregation. Therefore I believe your statement "It starts with addressing the motives behind joining social networks in the first place, PR News Channel reported" is off. No reporting involved. It is a paid service where anyone can publish their own press release.

  • VocalLocal Salt Lake, UT
    July 18, 2011 2:03 p.m.

    I have to wonder if people bemoaned the immoral influences of cars, telephones or a host of other technologies that allow people to meet other people. Personally I've heard of more affairs that started from interaction in church callings than Facebook.

  • TOO Sanpete, UT
    July 18, 2011 2:21 p.m.

    This reminds me of something my dad told me before college:

    "Don't come home telling me the Doctor told you that you were in love."

    Affairs are premeditated. You don't all of a sudden show up to somebody's house and cheat on your spouse.

  • MoJules Florissant, MO
    July 18, 2011 2:43 p.m.

    First of all they say in the article "accidental affairs", quotation marks are a form of questioning or saying, right and not believing it. I was a first generation chat group person, and back in 1995 people were having affairs, I knew a guy who lost his wife to internet chat. I know someone who found her old boyfriend and divorced her husband and married this guy. Facebook can be a source of good, or something very destructive, I use it to post about indexing and am not a friend collector.

  • A voice of Reason Salt Lake City, UT
    July 18, 2011 3:27 p.m.

    To JohnJacobJingleHeimerSchmidt:

    "His name is my name, too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout..."
    I couldn't resist!

    ---

    "People who are going to cheat will find ways"

    Amen to that! At least the end of the article does this point some justice.

  • The Authority Richfield, UT
    July 18, 2011 4:24 p.m.

    It is certainly a problem. Even if it doesn't lead to an affair, it does lead to long term hurt in a relationship, and the spouse always doubting their wife or husband.

  • tom2 Jerome, ID
    July 18, 2011 5:40 p.m.

    I must take exception to the last quote. It is not the 'loss of love in your marriage'. It is the loss of commitment to your spouse. In my humble opinion, there are far too many people who give up when the excitement is gone, because they don't understand the beauty of a commitment and the power in a covenant.

  • Shawnm750 West Jordan, UT
    July 18, 2011 8:34 p.m.

    I totally agree with the end of this article. For anyone familiar with Erin Stewart's blog on this site, I'm sure John Charity Spring feels totally validated by the first part of this article. But, as it points out in the end, facebook is merely a medium of communication. In the end, it's the people having the affair that decided to abandon their marital commitments. As with any technological advancement, you know that the potential for good comes the potential for bad as well.

  • lsteinbentley South Jordan, UT
    July 19, 2011 12:40 a.m.

    I totally agree with tom2!

    And to anyone out there that thinks the grass is greener on the other side, your wrong. I have been divorced and there is no perfect partner or marriage. You are just trading one set of challenges/problems for a different set. If you are having problems in your marriage, recommit yourselves and put your spouse's needs first, and then there will be no reason for a divorce. If you have children, they are the ones who truly suffer from a divorce, please remember that.
    I am not trying to preach, I just wanted to pass on what I have learned.

  • Another Perspective Bountiful, UT
    July 19, 2011 6:37 a.m.

    Don't blame facebook. Blame cold or seldom available husbands or wives.

  • jill17 Salt Lake City, UT
    July 19, 2011 7:36 a.m.

    I think by accidenal it means they didn join facebook, or add their old flame with the intention to cheat, but the it did happen because of poor choices made by two people. Whereas heading to a strip club or bar is a much more intentional choice done on purpoe than joining facebook. Although in the end it is a choice to cheat, facebook can be like the toad in hot water who doesn't notice the pot starting to boil. Anyway, I didn't take issue with the headline or article, except the last line bugged me, because I think that's where we al have real responsibility. We are responsible for the loss of love in our marriage. We choose to love and serve, or we choose to not. A loss of love doesn't just happen. Love is a pactice, not a feeling.

  • Ernest T. Bass Bountiful, UT
    July 19, 2011 8:04 a.m.

    For all the discussion of men having "problems" with porn, it's a fact that more women have affairs from visiting internet chat rooms & social networking sites, than men do from viewing porn.
    This needs more discussion than it gets.

  • racer25 Cedar Hills, UT
    July 19, 2011 8:05 a.m.

    From personal experience, Facebook facilitated an opportunity to meet where I was unwilling to make the effort prior. It was too easy. THEN, came the personal choices which were very clear along the way - compromising values I would have never compromised before.
    We put two families at risk with a total of 10 kids. In the end, 2 years later, I stayed with my family, she divorced and remarried.
    The damage was horrible and is still felt.
    Cheating hurts everyone. I still use Facebook, but passwords are shared and chat is turned off.
    Like a gun makes killing someone easier than other means, it's the person who kills.
    Facebook makes meeting people easy - but it's the person or people who cheat.

  • Monsieur le prof Sandy, UT
    July 19, 2011 8:37 a.m.

    Someone once said that we lock doors not only to keep out burlgars, but to keep honest people honest by taking temptation out of the way. I agree with racer25 in that Facebook is facilitating and making easy that which was difficult before.

    As with almost every new invention, Facebook is a double-edged sword. It can be very useful and fun, or it can be extremely dangerous.

  • oldschoolguy OREM, UT
    July 19, 2011 8:39 a.m.

    With regards to the PR News Channel comment, this is the type of "article" we see more and more of in the Deseret News. What used to be considered an amateur blog post is now being past off as professional journalism. There is no original reporting, or fact-checking going on here. A "reporter" sits at a desk and searches the internet for some related news and then cuts and pastes with out any fact-checking or original quotes from their own sources.

  • toshi1066 OGDEN, UT
    July 19, 2011 8:44 a.m.

    Seriously? Facebook? Like people never met in pre-internet days at grocery stores, bars, office buldings...

  • BobP Port Alice, B.C.
    July 19, 2011 10:01 a.m.

    My former harsh observation did not pass the censor. Put another way there is no excuse whatsoever for an affair. Such is simply a moral failure.

  • Joggle Clearfield, UT
    July 19, 2011 11:24 a.m.

    I reconnected with my first real boyfriend from when I was 15 years old on Facebook.....and his three sisters whom I also know! He was dying from cancer. I met him, his sisters, and mutual classmates back in our out-of-state hometown and had a wonderful reunion a year before he passed (NO affair)and as his sister put it at the time....it was closure for him as well as a treasured visit. One of his sisters became his caretaker in the end and passed on my concern about his well-being. She facilitated an exchange of fond memories of those long ago fun teenage days. She said our exchange brightened his last days and was important to him more than she could ever describe. I am thankful that Facebook brought us together one last time with my husband's blessing! He remains my Facebook friend to this day. Facebook can be good but people can make it bad if they want.

  • Chris Bryant SLC, UT
    July 19, 2011 11:55 a.m.

    @joggle,

    its not my business, but isn't it kind of weird to be facebook friends with someone who has passed on?

  • cjb Bountiful, UT
    July 19, 2011 12:17 p.m.

    re BobP | 10:01 a.m. July 19, 2011
    Port Alice, B.C.
    My former harsh observation did not pass the censor. Put another way there is no excuse whatsoever for an affair. Such is simply a moral failure.
    ---------

    You shouldn't be so quick to judge.

    Some spouses have cut themselves off from their husbands or wives. They are no longer acting as a husband or wife should.

  • SundanceKid27 OREM, UT
    July 19, 2011 12:23 p.m.

    The picture they tied to the story is very strange.

    A couple standing by a creek with a laptop?

  • Joggle Clearfield, UT
    July 19, 2011 12:30 p.m.

    @Chris Bryant

    It's not weird at all in this day and age. He didn't delete his account before passing, his family hasn't deleted it either, and I have no reason to delete him from my end because his Facebook page is now a tribute or rememberance page....not much different from tributes and rememberance crosses or decorated spots along roads and highways....or a rememberance in a newspaper!

  • Johnson72 Salt Lake City, UT
    July 19, 2011 12:39 p.m.

    If you don't like facebook.. Don't log on or cancel your account.

  • BobP Port Alice, B.C.
    July 19, 2011 1:10 p.m.

    cjb:

    If the marriage is over, get a divorce, and get properly remarried, first. No excuses, no exceptions.

  • Houdini Dallas, TX
    July 19, 2011 1:34 p.m.

    Great article................

    Any time you put yourself in a compromising situation, there can be a negative outcome. We live in a world of fantasy. We are in love with romantic movies that are so far from reality and real life.

    We fall into this idea that someone on the outside can replace the one we have married. That the old flame from 20 years ago, if now the perfect catch. Funny thing is she/he wasn't so perfect 20 years ago or we would have married it.

    At the end of the day, you can either walk on the edge or you can play it safe. It's entirely YOUR choice. Facebook is just an avenue.

  • cjb Bountiful, UT
    July 19, 2011 3:27 p.m.

    re BobP | 1:10 p.m. July 19, 2011
    Port Alice, B.C.

    ----
    What you suggest is an option if a person isn't a practicing Catholic. They don't allow divorces, they ...MAY... allow an annulment, and that can take years.

    You really can't say something is never excusable. No one 'rule' fits all situations.

  • Sarah B SLC, UT
    July 19, 2011 6:59 p.m.

    an affair is an "accident" that totals the marriage and causes multiple fatalities and serious injury to innocent people.

  • Lyle Springville, UT
    July 20, 2011 10:28 a.m.

    To the person who related their personal experience with the phenomenon described by this article, thanks for sharing your experience. There is nothing like hearing about something first-hand from somebody who has been there.

    For some reason, this comment was denied earlier. I cannot, for the life of me, see why.

  • J-TX Allen, TX
    July 21, 2011 12:28 p.m.

    After 22 years of temple marriage, and 5 years on facebook, my most tempting, most desireable "ex" friend-requested me.

    Wow, we could reconnect, see what each other was up to across miles and years, see what each other looked like, compare life stories and experiences......

    It was no "accident" that I denied the friend request. She obviously got the message, as she has not friend requested me again....thank goodness. Who needs the temptation....?