I think that LDS singles are in a tough situation. On one hand, it is clear that
it is important to really get to know someone in a lot of different situations
and for an extended period of time to really make a responsible marital
decision. And on the other hand, I think we are raised to be somewhat wary of
dating too long for fear of falling into immorality. Anyone can put
on the perfect appearance for a few dates. I know more than one LDS couple who
divorced because their dating process was just too quick to reveal certain
traits that were just too much to overcome in marriage.I would
disagree a bit with this article in that it can seem that LDS singles are being
encouraged to apply some "haste". I think there is real concern among
leadership at the overall reduction in LDS marriages and the increase in age for
them. But we can't shy away from encouraging dating that includes opportunities
to really get to know one another for more than a few dates.
It's rather comical how media misrepresents YSA wards and the tenets of the LDS
faith in general. The Wa Post article was terrible.
If I managed to get married in an LDS singles ward, I'm fairly certain anyone
Amen to Idaho Coug and DC. I must respectfully disagree with this article and
the last quote. I don't know about others, but being single and LDS really
isn't fun for one moment and in any sense of the word. You get treated less
than dog food in a family ward if you are over the YSA age. From my experience
attending a singles ward, it really takes the focus off of worshiping and is
more damaging than good with all the clicks that form, etc.I won't
let fear dictate a decision, and just because I am of a certain age, doesn't
mean I am going to give up the ship and marry the next girl with a pulse even
though I don't get along with her. I obviously believe in the concept of
marriage--why else would I be single this long? I tip my cap to all the
singles, divorcees, widow/ers who soldier on and still attend church despite
being treated like a leper. In my experience, you have to let a lot of insults
intended or not slide off you and focus on your testimony. Keep the faith
Singles warda are really sick environments, but they need to exist. There are
many who would not go to Church if they can't attend a singles ward. It's just
too hurtful for some people to go to family wards where they don't fit in. There are a lot of people with a lot of really serious problems in
singles wards. There are a lot of committmentphobics. There are those who have
been married and divorced multiple times who have really serious
dysfunctionality. There are those who have been deeply wounded and those who
are seriously socially challenged. But there just needs to be a place where
singles can meet and spend time together. There are often people who never
thought they had a prayer in the world and who manage to find someone. I've
seen it happen.So, as sick as they are, I'm glad these wards exist.
The Church is for everyone and that includes singles.
The following is not stated in the article by Gawker: "and its strategy is
to get single people to wed as quickly as possible by separating them from
married people." The writer of this article apparently has not
paid attention to the church's statement that the YSA can go to the YSA ward or
may attend the local ward where there are families, which I would say includes
married adults. Accuracy needs to be improved when writing about this, and
avoiding implications which are not stated or implied. The writer may want to
read their own newspaper before making such statements.
Gawker is one of the worst most unprofessional and poorly trained blogging
sites. They have committed crimes to get stories such as the iPhone 4 leak.
While i am not a big fan of meat market singles wards, Gawker is just awful.
As my single 32 year old son recently counseled his younger sister: "No
matter what, get married before you turn 31!" That's when things really
Its too bad the church has forgot about those 31+ Sad too see all the one
active people go inactive because they dont want to go to a family ward, or feel
like the 31-45 wards too odd... I hope the church directs a little attention to
us older singles soon.
Many of those who feel they are being treated as a second class citizen in a
married ward find out when they get married that married couples have many more
concerns on their plate and have to be selective with their times and interests.
For example when my I got married my basketball time with my buds decreased
sharply as well as the time to talk about new car models and sports. I spent my
time learning about couple interactions, pregnancy, worrying about better job
possibilities, etc. So the Church wisely created singles wards. If you happen
to be part of a regular ward please forgive us married-with-children if our
priorities have changed.
My experience with many single LDS family and friends is that the over 31 and
divorced can really feel like a fish out of water. The over 31, single and never
married has it's fair share of people with obvious reasons why they have not
married. Not to be too critical but that group can have it's fair share of
disfunction making it not a great fit for divorced but otherwise pretty normal
singles. They can also feel very uncomfortable in a family ward given the
emphasis on successful families and couples. More than a few over 31, divorced,
pretty normal and balanced singles have expressed that there really is just
nowhere in the church that they seem to fit.
I am sure many will be upset with me for saying this, but I think singles wards
are ineffectual and largely a waste and distraction. When I turned YSA age, my
bishop encouraged me to go and check out the singles ward. After two or three
times attending, I quickly came back to the family ward. I attended a family
ward after my mission as I attended college. I have never understood the need
for everyone around you to be the same demographic in order to gain something
from church. That is one of the beauties of the gospel. It is relevant for
everyone. When I heard things about marriage, kids, etc. being discussed, I
paid close attention, hoping that one day it would apply more directly in my
life. Miraculously, I was able to find a wonderful girl (not in the ward) and
get married, all the time attending a family ward. Having singles
activities, as opposed to singles wards, would accomplish the same "mix and
mingle" goal of a singles ward. This would put the emphasis in church on
worship, not dating, and put the emphasis on dating and mingling elsewhere,
where it belongs.