What is truly sad is that the welfare system rewards the father being out of the
home. If dad is not a resident of the home, it is much easier for mom and kids
to receive government programs (food stamps, help with rent, health insurance).
I have watched many a dad slip out of the house at night to sleep in
an apartment so that he is not seen as living in the home with the family. We
must be crazy as a society to offer this kind of incentive. I would rather keep
dad in the home (if a choice was there).
These numbers have no real meaning or value because there are thousands of this
group who do have fathers at home but deny it to get welfare and food stamps. A
socialist designed society like we have encourages deception and lies to take
advantage of the socialist welfare system. Articles like this skews facts to
promote more welfare and more socialism.Then there are real cases
where children never see their dads or mothers but there is a main root cause
for it, deception and lies of custodial parents. Mothers drive off the dads and
force them in to absenteeism for many reasons and one of them is to punish the
fathers. Many time I can't blame fathers for becoming disinterested in their own
children because of the courts and child services programs.Government interferes with parental rights and forces fathers out of the lives
of their children. Child support does not make a father a father, and in many
cases child support should be abolished where mothers cohabit with men who steal
child support from the fathers children.
"The bottom line is, kids really need frequent contact with both parents to
successfully navigate developmental stages as they grow up" Its
interesting to see how mothers and fathers both provide separate and unique
nurturing that is essential for a childs upbringing. A mother or a father by
themselves cannot provide the optimal conditions to raise a healthy child but
together they complement each other and create a complete unit. This not always
possible but as shown is optimal. This flies in the face of gay
advocates that insist all that is needed is love from two male parents or two
female parents to raise a child properly. It is interesting to see how on one
hand people like President Obama pleads with fathers to stay and raise their
children but then on the other promote gay marriage which naturally excludes a
mother or a father. So the question now stands, which part of the family is no
longer needed, the mother or the father?
Way to go Mike! I am so impressed with those who take adversity and decide to
be a trend breaker. You are setting your children on a whole new path that will
have positive implications for generations to come. Well done!
It's not just moms and dads breaking up. America has the highest incarceration
rate of any country in the entire world. Not the industrialized world. Not the
western world. The entire world. You can jump up and down and yell
about society's values. But when kids don't grow up in a free country, they're
going to suffer. The incarceration rate is largely due to long
sentences for drug-related activity. As stated in the first sentence,
incarceration didn't keep this guy off drugs. Having a family did. Are the
lock-them-up-and-throw-away-the-key conservatives learning yet?
Good for you Debour!There is nothing better than good morning hugs
and good night kisses. I tell my children every night, "I am so happy you
are in our family." What I could just as easily mean is that, I am so
happy to be in our family. I always want them to know that they are a treasure,
and that we love them dearly, forever. Growing up is rough. The
process of becoming needs guidance from a mom and a dad. One thing the article
did not mention, is that two parent homes also tend to have more involvement and
interaction with extended family. When children have support all around them,
and learn the commitment to work through problems, they have a much better
toolbox for solving their own problems as an adult.
Mike & others,I'm so glad you were allowed to be in your boy's life.
Over twenty years ago my wife divorced me because of her emotional and mental
illnesses. She was suicidal and abused drugs. So what did the judge do? He
spent a minute or two reviewing the case and gave her the children. Yup, they
grew up with problems. Maybe the idiots in our legal system have started to
realize they have to use a little common sense. I hope you continue to grow in
love and happiness in your family.
When my wife filed for divorce, she also tried to take away all father rights
from me and wanted me to have no contact with the child. That's what her support
system influenced her to do. They assumed I was a dangerous person and used the
system against me because of the false DV label on me, which since was
dismissed. Since having it dismissed, did I get my father rights back?
Nooooo...and my son begs to see me often and does his mother let him? Nooooo she
does not and resents it each time he gets to see me. Has anyone ever taught the
mother the importance of being civil and making sure the child gets to see the
father often as possible for obvious reasons? The answer is Nooooo! That's the
kind of system we have around us. I am a good father and always there for the
child and give him quality time with just two days in a weekend, only twice a
month. His mother is not so caring in the emotional sense and he gets that from
me. Many fathers are pushed away because the system believes the mothers that
@GaryMan I'm sorry :(. The large majority of women these days are so
overrated >:( Not all of them but most. What happend to the days
when the average woman was submissive, all-loving, sweet, kind, generous,
delightful, innocent and charitable to those they loved? Esspecially their
husbands?But now we have femenists..........good by good loving
family valued home.And yes, we do have some cowardly dads out there
that just leave the family becuase he watches out for himself instead of the
Gary:I know your story is frustrating. Do the best you can and in
time I think your child will come around. In reality, our children will be our
children more as adults than as actual children. Those experiences you missed
can't be given back (and that is sad and frustrating) but your child will
someday be 18 and an adult. Look towards the future because when that time
comes it will provide an opportunity you don't have now. As for the mother I
would tell her to get over herself because again the same holds true. She will
spend more time as a mother of an adult child than as a child child. In time
her own child will see what she did was wrong and all this could boomerang
against her. That is the sad thing about divorce. Sometimes it is
necessary because of abuse and other horrible things but most of the time it
should be avoided. It is very tough on the children. I think I saw an article
that said it was tougher on the children than if one of the parents were to
die--that study says a lot.
Phildog - where does it say that success comes from the woman being
"submissive". I think equal partnering in a marriage is the important
thing, with each being able to contribute an opinion, solution, or whatever and
the other being able to listen, think, and either agree or counter with the
reasons why or why not. I'm not a feminist but neither am I one to condone
submissiveness as a valued asset to a marriage, on the part of the wife or the
@Silas,One can argue that the threat of separation by incarceration
is a significant deterrent in many cases, and while not directly credited in
this story, it is inferred.Mike states that, "There's nothing
in the world that's gonna keep me from being there for my little man." He
can honor that promise by keeping his commitment to stay clean, not by society
giving him a pass if he falls into behavior that is destructive to himself and
the community. Personal responsibility is the lesson that Mike is both
learning, and teaching. That lesson is rarely learned without accountability.
One can certainly argue that our system is deficient in how well that
accountability is metered out in some cases. The only way to correct such
injustice is to get personally involved in the community and work to create
value in the lives of others and our own. That starts in the home, as this
inspiring story has illustrated.
The effects of good fathering are immeasurable. By worldly standards, I have
been fatherless since I was 12 years old, yet the quality of man my father was,
and the things he taught us children in our short time together, have set me on
a lifelong course. To be sure, my mother was strong in keeping to our family's
values, and even 22 years after his death, I experience his positive
influence.It's not enough for a father just to be there. There has
to be love, solid values, respect, and a good example for the children. There
also has to be a loving relationship with the mother. If those things are
present, even a temporal fatherhood cut short by tragedy will not fail. If I
were to wind up in prison or in rehab or some other place away from my children,
it would be nobody's fault but my own.Never underestimate the power
of positive parenting!
Just how much time did Brigham Young spend at home with any one woman or any of
his kids?The worth of a father in the home is overrated.
Silas Brill and Toartistic A parents incarceration - The child
themselves hasnt done anything wrong basically they are also victims of their
parents bad acts and/or bad choices. We want to break that cycle, with a way
out of prison visiting rooms, with an incentive and that additional financial
help needed to get a higher educating I'm sure its no picnic for most
incarcerated parents; not a good feeling not being able to help their children
physically or financially with things like school work and helping paying for a
higher education. See you at a yearly [Willy the Plumber
Scholarship] run or nice walk
We went delusional in the 60s. When enough people make bad decisions, everyone
suffers. That is just how the planet works.
These numbers are skewed. I am a divorced dad, not because I wanted to be
divorced and not because I cheated or was abusive so my sons were raised without
me in their home. Also, many women choose to have children without a father. In
addition, a follow-up story about the many men who live away from their children
and bust their butts to be in their lives is in order by the Desnews.
"the number of babies born to unwed mothers jumped from 5 percent to 40
percent."This means sixty percent of babies born are to wed
parents. Of those wed parents, at least half get divorced. Many of these
marriages occurred because of an early pregnancy. This may sound old fashion,
but sex should come after marriage. Thinking is clearer and more objective when
deciding on wedding bells. Think of the many problems we would save ourselves.
Dektol - your comment makes me so sad. I guess you had a very unhappy childhood.
I came from a single parent family because my father died and my mother never
remarried. She raised us kids (4) on a teachers salary and did this all without
government support. Us kids did OK but there are definite holes from not having
a father. The older I got as a child the more I realized what I was missing. The
worth of a father in the home is NOT overrated.
To understand the real effects of divorce on children (and, especially if you
are an adult who had parents to divorced), consider reading "The Unexpected
Legacy of Divorce" by Judith Wallerstein. It is the culmination of a
20-year study following the effects of divorce on kids. Some of the divorces
were brutal, ugly and marked by unimaginable venom. Some were almost amicable.
Some had regular but long-distance relationships, others visited with both
parents regularly locally, some rarely if ever saw both parents after divorce.
Some kids were young when the parents split, others nearly adults. The author
takes the data collected over twenty years and weaves the similarities into
stories based on the experiences of girls and the experiences of boys. It is a
remarkably well contoured and textured work that will have you saying "Oh
my goodness! That's exactly what I felt." The book is out of print. But
I find copies on eBay for a less than five bucks all the time. Everyone I've
recommended the book to comes back thanking me. They feel relieved to know
their feelings are universal. It helps them compensate for the rough things
divorce does to kids.
@SLC GrandmaOf course an equal partnership is key. Being on the same
So let me get this straight... some of you oppose the current system of welfare
because a few cheat the system so you want to get rid of it. And what may I ask
happens to those single mothers in situations where the system isn't being
cheated by them?And then there's this..."What
happend to the days when the average woman was submissive, all-loving, sweet,
kind, generous, delightful, innocent and charitable to those they loved?
Esspecially their husbands?"I'd rather not go to a day where
husbands controlled the lives of their "submissive" wives."But now we have femenists"As if there's something wrong
How many problems could be greatly alleviated by strict chastity before marriage
and absolute fidelity after marriage? Throw in a refusal to abuse drugs and
there would be tremendous improvements in so many aspects of society.You can brush it all off and say it isn't realistic to suggest such but it is
within the capability of each human being to so control themselves.If everyone would, society would be able to keep up with the situations where
help was needed and truly deserved for the widow, the disabled, etc.
To those comments regarding my comments, I say thanks. I do count my blessings
and take it with a good patient heart knowing I'm at least lucky to getting a
chance to get the time I can spend with my son. The judge wisely denied their
request at first to taking 100% rights from me as a father. And yes I am being
very patient, keeping civil about it and never speaking negatively of the mother
in front of the child. It isn't the child's fault and if I tried that, it would
just be confusing. No parent has the right to demean the other parent through a
child. Today was his 7th birthday and he spent it with the people he
loves very much. That makes it all the worthwhile. It is something he keeps
talking about and will remember a long time. I would gladly see the child more
if his mother would let him come and see how good it benefits the child. The system can be fixed if the right people with wisdom are allowed to
do so. It seems this article is helping people see the light.
I don't see many comments that deal with the possibility that the father could
be a toxic influence on the children or that he could be using the court system
against the mother. The fact of the matter is that a father is only an asset if
he chooses to be one. If not then the children do better without him. I am not
saying this is the case in even 20% of the time (even though I think it is
personally) but it should be mentioned.
Much can be said of the damage that is done to fatherless families. May I
suggest that this trend may have begun long before the father abandoned the
suffering child. We must logically conclude that the moment there is a rift in
the Godly Father and earthly child relationship, all maternal and paternal
relationships are immediately placed in jeopardy for the lack of appreciation of
duty and love. Selfish patterns are certainly difficult to mend.
I had the unpleasant experience of seeing how CPS (Child Protective
Services)functions and I can say I am glad I don't have to worry about CPS
getting involved in my life. It wouldn't be fair to judge the system as a whole
because my experience was with just one situation but in this case CPS looks
like a very corrupt organization. What I encountered were blatant lies by the
social worker (and the father) in the report to the court, a CPS supervisor who
ignored the lies when they were brought to his attention, a court-appointed
attorney who didn't show up to mediation which led to the child being removed
and an attorney who accepted money but did absolutely nothing for his client.
Belatedly I discovered the social worker and stepmother/father were facebook
"friends." The chaos continues in the life of this young child with
the stepmother and father divorcing. The problem we should be
addressing isn't abortion, but unplanned pregnancies and fractured families.
The damage done can and does transfer from generation to generation.
Great article! Thank you!
re:JP71"This flies in the face of gay advocates that insist all that
is needed is love from two male parents or two female parents to raise a child
properly."Sorry, overwhelmingly research reveals children
raised in 2 parent, same-sex households, fare as well as those raised in
traditional settings. Zach Wahls, a 19 yo Univ of Iowa engineering
student testified before the Congress in Iowa (his testimony can be seen on
YouTube):"In my 19 years, not once have I ever been confronted by an
individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple,"
said Wahls. "And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents
has had zero affect on the content of my character."
Reserving sexual intimacy before marriage doesn't automatically guarantee a
happy home nor does sexual promiscuity equal single parent homes. What
guarantees this is guidance on how to be good marriage partners, regardless of
what type of marriage (hetrosexual or homosexual). Our most important
responsibility as a society is taking an interest in those around us and trying
to be an example of how to treat others. I believe that if people looked
outside of themselves more the world would have fewer problems. I believe if
people could show a more Christlike love for others the fatherless rate would
decrease. This would either be from fathers becoming more involved or other
males taking a responsibility to be good role models in the fatherless child's
life. The best prevention is a good example and support when it happens.
@Truthseeker - Which overwhelming research are you referring to? I have yet to
find any research that concludes what you have suggested, which did not have
major flaws, e.g. lack of a real control group, unbiased participation in
survey, etc. Proof of this is in your example. A persons testimony
about their own parents would hardly be scientific evidence, due to the inherit
bias and subjectivity. It's obvious that this individual started with a
conclusion, and then applied that conclusion to the evidence, thereby
contaminating the evidence with bias. That is not science, it is activism. It
is only through actual professional and responsible research that true
conclusions can be made, and unfortunately, that research is mostly
non-existent, and the research that has been correctly completed has shown no
definitive answers one way or another.
Not to undermine the importance of fathers, reputable studies indicate that it
is the presence of two parents in the home that leads to a better outcome for
the kids - the gender of those parents does not matter.And yes,
married parents are better which is why gay marriage should be allowed. I mean,
let's face it - same-sex couples are having children. If we are truly concerned
about the welfare of those children, we need to allow the couple to be married.
@ PeppeRiviera2012: "A persons testimony about their own parents would
hardly be scientific evidence, due to the inherit bias and
subjectivity."And yet, that is exactly what the study mentioned
in the article is based on.
Re: Kalindra | 9:39 a.m. May 23, 2011 Based on the proven
fundamental differences in the way men and women think it is beneficial for
children to be born in traditional families where they can be reared as nature
intended. Little Suzie may not say anything but she notices that all the other
girls have fathers that attend her school play.Of course in today's
society the mother may never know who the father of her children is. How sad.
The court systems need to step up and enforce a father's involvement, be that
for the absent father as well as the father who wants to be in his children's
lives. Courts need to be more generous in allowing fathers to have full
physicial custody when they are a good father.
Good article, but kinda' hard to read with tears in your eyes!Keep
up the good work, Mr. DeBoer. I can tell by the photos how much your little boy
loves you. And he will grow up knowing how to be a good dad, too.You two
are very blessed to have each other!
@ Rifleman: There are proven fundamental differences in the ways SOME men think
when compared to the way SOME women think - it is not an absolute.And yes, little Suzie will notice when other little girls have daddies that
attend the school play - and some other little girls don't. And sometimes that
is because daddy is at work, and sometimes that is because mommy and daddy are
divorced, and sometimes it is because mommy and daddy were never married, and
sometimes it is because, like little Suzie, those other little girls have 2
mommies (or maybe they have 2 daddies). And maybe little Suzie is
capable of understanding that situation and is not bothered by it - maybe she is
happy and content because she is loved and taken care of.There are a
great many family situations out there - the "ideal" is debatable (and
your posited ideal happens to be very rare).Situations have changed
a lot in 20 years - including what makes a family. The evidence says little
Suzie will be just fine as long as she has parents that love her and are
Gary:A few things in your post are a bit unclear. .."she also tried to take away all father rights from me" Not unless, WA law is drastically different than UT law, the only way this
could happen is by trial. Was there ever a Termination of Parental Rights trial
date/hearing set up? If not, you parental rights were never in jeopardy.
Custodial rights are another matter. "They assumed I was a
dangerous person and used the system against me because of the false DV label on
me, which since was dismissed" Did you have a conviction for a
DV related charge? Were the charges dropped? Or did you have your record
expunged?"did I get my father rights back? Noooo"Are you referring to custody and visitation or your actual parental rights? If
custody and visitation, did you have a hearing to review these matters and take
advantage of your right to due process? There are a few things that
just dont add up. If you were convicted of DV charges, you are going to have an
uphill battle in trying to prevail in custody and visitation matters. Either
way I hope you were treated fairly in Court.
Kalindra & Truthseeker: "studies indicate that it is the
presence of two parents in the home that leads to a better outcome for the kids
- the gender of those parents does not matter"I hear this from
so many gays & SSM advocates, but repeatedly they faile to list specific
refrences to all these mountain of studies that "overwhelmingly" and
infallibly support thier position. Futhermore, when gays and SSM advocates cite
a study, 9 times out of 10 they have never actually read the study. Then there are a few more questions that the SSM advocates routinely refuse to
address. First who paid for the study? Second, are the researchers zealous
advocates for an issue such as SSM and therefore lack objectivity? Third, given
the fact that most SSM/gay couples who adopt are more educated and affluent and
able to afford child better child care options, does the the sample of children
raised in SS couples sqew the results because the sample is not not an accurate
and random sample representation of the overall parent population. Fourth,
until there are many objecive honest long term studies examining long term
outcomes, this matter is still very much up to question.
@ 22ozn44ozglass:Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and
Family Health at the AAP. American Academy of Pediatrics. Feb. 4. 2002.Marriage of Same-Sex Couples 2006 Position Statement Canadian
Psychological AssociationHow Does the Gender of Parents Matter?
Timothy J. Biblarz1,*, Judith Stacey2. Journal of Marriage and Family, Volume
72, Issue 1, pages 322, February 2010. Article first published online: 20 JAN
2010.---------------------------------The last one
listed is probably the most comprehensive and it addresses many of the arguments
raised against previous studies.I cannot provide the actual links,
but there should be enough information there for you to find the studies.If, as you argue, there is not enough evidence because there has not
been enough time to prove that there is no harm, there is likewise not enough
data to prove there is harm.And if the difference is wealth, then
the difference is wealth - not the gender of the parents.
22ozn44ozglass:The DV charge WAS dismissed. That was the agreement
after passing the probation period of no further incidents that it be dismissed.
After having it dismissed, I asked my lawyer about getting any rights back such
as custody? She said it was difficult to do, would require experts, and cost at
least $15K to pursue and no guarantees I'd win anything. Still thinking whether
to pursue or not.In 2006, the mother filed for a PO and divorce at
the same time after she ended up in jail for seriously assaulting me. She had
her charges dismissed blaming me for being the cause of it. She was an angry
woman in need of help. At this hearing for divorce, she also asked to take my
son away from me completely with no rights at all as a father. The judge
thankfully said absolutely not! She continues to have 100% custodial
rights in religion, education, non-emergency. She even plans not allowing me to
baptize him at the age of 8 a year from now. As you see, even with
the DV charges dismissed, there is still no recourse for me to take. The system
definitely needs fixing!
I blame a lot of this on Hollywood and feminism. The message is, women can
have it all without a husband and a father in the home. I seen sitcoms on t.v
that mock the dad and a fathers role in the home, like it's a joke. I
read an article in the DesNews not too long ago about boys not doing as well in
school as girls, they're falling behind. I see a trend where men and boys
in general are being undermined in society as a whole, even replaced ( gay
marriage) and as a married mother with a teenaged son, it infuriates me.
I read as much of this article as I could stomach; because of this I may be
missing something of the argumentation but I think I got the gist. My reaction
was: another article by a woman blaming men for being absent in their
childs' lives. Many of the comments show this.Most men are not
criminals.Most divorces are initiated by women and, in my opinon, a
great many divorces are frivolous or could have been saved by parents.I see over and again the lack of discipline in homes without fathers, and the
working mothers and their surrogate baby sitters where Dad is not in the home,
usually bacause of divorce. The disastrous effect of permissive single mothers,
and divorced mothers who cannot control their children or say "no" to
their children. Did you know that many children are born to
unmarried parents but the mother has refused to marry the father even when he
wants to marry them?Even some married mothers, who see Dad's
role merely being to bring home the goodies, virtually banish Dad from the
house, so he can work late and buy that bigger home, new car, van, third
So how is traditional marriage and the traditional family a success? A third of
the Father's are absent in these relationships...... Sounds like
traditional marriage is not such a wonderful thing afterall!
Furthermore, our society, economy, and courts and so called child advocates are
the root cause of absent fathers. How do we measure and establish that children
are fatherless? Child advocates (CWFS) measures parental or father influence by
the dollar participation, the more dollars passing through the CWFS to take its
25% percent tithing. The tithing is justified in courts to the CWFS telling
parents 75% of some is better than 100% of everything.How children
live and cope with divorce and single parent depends on how they are
indoctrinated, taught, and molded by a society that has no business interfering
with their lives. My children were never exposed to negative
parental information except at school and I found that an offensive role for
schools and education. I tried to keep a neutralized attitude and home life but
the schools just put hate in their lives.Now I know why education
isolates children from their parents, controlled indoctrination. It also make
sense now why schools would never make an honest attempt to keep me informed of
problems in education, the schools, or social behavior. Not in 23 years of
contact or Parent Teacher conference did anyone ever answer my parental rights.
A lot of women treat men terribly really. It's considered funny on TV and
movies to make fun of and derate men. And it happens in the home even worse - of
course they leave.It's not about women being submissive -
it's about having the same respect for men that women expect to recieve.
There's really nothing worse you can do to a man than make him feel small
in front of his children and others around him. Duh. Men that stick
around are just the ones that can put up with being submissive to women.
Excellent article. Living together is a terrible idea. It does NOT improve the
chances of a good marriage. It is terrible on the children. It's great for
the casual Dad and a disaster for the naive mother. Living together,
gay "parents" are all about "me" and have no regard for the
children.Children need a stable home with a Father (male) and a
Mother (female) who are determined to overcome their differences, sacrifice
themselves for their families, love each other and spend time with their
children. How many more statistical studies are needed to conclude the obvious?
Anything less than this produces more crime, more entropic ills, more mental
health problems, and a lesser society. That's just a fact.Wishing it wasn't so is a fairy tale not worthy of being retold.
To say divorce is the problem is sort of right. But for a dad to have the most
contact with his kids, logicly he should never get married. Most kids are not
even born into a marriage. It seems to me that fathers that never wed the mother
start out with more rights than the guy that wed and went through a divorce and
then spend 10's of thousands of dollars just to get equal parenting
rights.If a never wed guy shows up, pays child support and wants to
see his kid he's a hero. A divorced Dad just gets kicked all the way down
the divorce court.
Half of all marriages end in divorce, and 90% of the time the children stay with
the mother, and (if he's lucky) the father sees them every other
weekend.There is no indication that fathers are any less able to be
single parents for their children, and there is significant evidence that they
are actually more able. Nor is there any evidence that fathers love their
children any less than do their mothers. In my case, I eventually
won custody of our children, but it took 4 years and $30,000 dollars. However,
the damage that was done during those years will last for generations.The discrimination against men in divorce court is nothing short of horrific,
and as this article notes, we are seeing the results of locking fathers out of
their children's lives in rising juvenile delinquency, teen pregnancies and
suicides. I look forward to the day when men are treated as equal
citizens in the eyes of the law.
Re: non believer PARK CITY, UT"Sounds like traditional marriage is not
such a wonderful thing afterall!"Those of us who have put in the
effort required to make our marriages successful know otherwise. Those who have
never experienced the joys associated with gtraditional marriages have now way
to judge. How can those who have never enjoyed a perfectly grilled filet mignon
judge whether they are good or bad?
Every divorce is different but they all have common elements such as I always
wondered as a child if I was partially to blame. Fortunately I had my
mother's brothers (all good strong family men) who included me in work,
play and correction. There were also great LDS priesthood holders who made sure
I was included in every activity. Fortunately when my mother remarried (when I
was 14) it was to a man who was happy to be a dad to a teenage son. My
biological father never really grew up but I'm grateful for all the part
time dads who nurtured me. As a teacher for 40 years I've observed that
most fatherless kids don't have this kind of support system. Their absent
fathers are too busy to spend time or money on them.
If so called fathers are slipping out so as not to be seen living with the
family so they can get welfare, it isn't the welfare systems' fault.
It's the so called parents in this family making deliberate decisions to
defraud the system rather than support themselves and their children.
They're lazy, self entitled, under motivated, and irresponsible, and they
got that way long before they got on the welfare train.
Perhaps you are unaware of the reports that more people have been killed in
Chicago this year than in Afghanistan; killed by gunfire, a couple dozen every
single weekend. All of this is Black-on-Black crime on that city’s south
and west sides. “What could possibly be causing this?”
all wonder aloud, as all seek to ignore the elephant in the room. The
illegitimate birth rate (babies born to single, unmarried women) among Blacks
today is 72%. In 1960 this rate was 22%. This was before our federal
government decided to anoint itself “father” and
“provider” to poor Black families, and to ultimately heap
destruction upon this group. Meanwhile, nobody has been willing to acknowledge
what economists call “The law of unintended consequences”, “an
adage or idiomatic warning that an intervention in a complex system tends to
create unanticipated and often undesirable outcomes.”
(cont’d) Civic and religious leaders in Chicago today are unwilling to
publicly acknowledge that the breakdown of the nuclear Black family is to blame
for today’s murder rates; that no fathers in the homes is to blame for the
off-the-chart numbers of young men joining gangs there. Or the sad truth that
single mothers (whether employed full-time or at home) often cannot control the
behavior of their young males. And when there are zero uncles, granddads or
other responsible role-modeling men in a person’s life, there IS no
hope.Please, let’s not pretend that mothers OR fathers are
disposable. Both are necessary for the health and well-being of a child and of
society. Our legislators created this mess. What do they intend to do to fix
while most mothers are wonderful and deserve great praise, many help cause this
problem. Like myself, my ex-wife decided 15 years ago she just didn't want
to be married. There was no abuse, cheating, etc. Things were not perfect, but
nothing that would have caused me to leave her. The state and the church
completely supported her decision and she was removed our kids from my life. It
remains a painful experience even now. I have tried to be in their lives and we
seem to have survived. I hope women will understand that we as fathers are
extremely important to the lives of our children. Please understand again, most
mthers are awesome.
To Mr. Mike DeBoer I have to say did you really lay in bed at night as a child
and wonder why your father left YOU? My parents divorced before I was old
enough to remember. I never once felt sorry for myself not having a dad at
home. There were times I wondered what my father was like, and I too
met him twice in my life; once when I was 13 and again when he was 60. When I was growing up I ran into many examples of poor fathers. Lots of my
friends had miserable fathers. I felt blessed to not have their problems. I grew up in SLC with the worlds greatest mother and grandmother through
all my formative years. I didn't feel short changed at all. I'm 58
now and never felt bad about not knowing my father better. My mother and
grandmother gave me a wonderful and very well rounded upbringing. Maybe Mike could focus more on his blessings instead of feeling so sad and
short changed because his father wasn't in the picture. His father might
have had reasons to think this best too. Justin saying.
This is a massive tragidy for our country and our children. Children need 2