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Utah couple learned recovery from porn addiction is possible

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  • VocalLocal Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 9:25 a.m.

    I am sad that the Deseret News has decided to address this issue as if there is no debate. There are plenty of psychologists who feel pornography only becomes destructive when it is mixed with religious beliefs which instill guilt on the user and feelings of justified jealousy in the part of the non-using spouse.

  • roqson Payson, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 9:56 a.m.

    I am so tired of people blaming religion here. This is a problem that trancends religious bounds. Do you think that since the DN talks about it in a state dominated by religion that it only affects religious people? Women everywhere are encountering the same problems mentioned here: the emotional disconnect, the hiding, the objectification of women as sex toys. These are symptoms across the board, and you want to blame it on religion? Wht about all the serial and wife-killers who have porn in their backgrounds? How about all the reseach that is out there showing that the morals religion has - i.e. no sex before marriage,healthy sex after marriage, fidelity in marriage - lead to a much happier and fulfilled life, a heathier self-esteem, and stronger families? Look at our kids, especially in college, and their behaviors; are those the behaviors of healthy human beings readying themselves for a life of strong interpersonal relationships that last and have connectivity? The "plenty of psychlolgists" that you mention are all probably atheist/secularists who already have a bias toward religion. Look at what is unversal instead of tossing your blinders at us demanding we see your viewpoint.

  • jcmom Sandy, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:09 a.m.

    @VocalLocal-What would you expect from an LDS Church owned newspaper? This is too broad of a topic to be addressed from every angle possible. Should religious people abandon their religious befiefs so that their porn viewing then becomes OK? If they are religious, and they do feel guilt, then there is a problem.

  • Judy Gilmore Centerville, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:11 a.m.

    My son needed help with his addiction to pornography. He had left our faith and was an atheist, which he still is now, four years later.
    There is a program called Sons of Helaman, started by Maurice Harker, that is a cognitive behavioral program, rather than a 12 step program. It is based on principles taught by the LDS church, as you can tell by the name. This is a program for young men who are of the LDS faith.

    My son, who came to realize that pornography was harming his relationship with his girlfriend, even though both of them had left their different religions, asked me if I thought Maurice would help him without bringing religion into the therapy.
    Maurice worked with him individually, rather than in one of the groups for young men, and was able to teach the skills to my son that have enabled him to feel in control of his thoughts and to deal successfully with something that had been taking over his life.
    My son has recommended this method to others who he knows are dealing with this problem.
    This method is another avenue of help to many men and women.



  • AZRods Maricopa, AZ
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:27 a.m.


    What's to debate? All you have to do is talk to a man or woman whose spouse has a pornagraphy addiction, and you will quickly learn that it has nothing to do with religion, but that it can and does destroy marriages and families.
    If so called experts don't see that as sad and destructive, then they are measuring with the wrong device.

  • john in az tempe, az
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:30 a.m.


    I am still waiting for DN to present an article about woman who view pornographic material. Woman do. I know several LDS woman who have struggled with this issue.

    I agree with vocallocal to a degree. Consider the article yesterday. The "study" claimed 70% of the woman felt a certain way. There were 25 participant, 15 are LDS, 70% of 25 is 17, so all the LDS felt a certain way.

    The religious world inevitable will have to develop its own "science" when it comes to many things. pornography and homosexuality being two of them. The religious world is and will have to created its own studies that are contradicted by t he secular world.

  • c00kster Provo, Utah
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:33 a.m.

    As I mentioned in an earlier comment today (which somehow never got published), this series of articles on pornography seems to be designed to support the new DN website that is focused on women who have suffered due to pornography. While we have hijacked the threads to a certain degree, the intent of the series was not to provide a forum for broadly discussing porn. (Thursday's article is a good example in that it was about women's feelings but all that got discussed in the 60+ comments was other aspect of pornography.)

    I've met Steven Croshaw and am impressed with SA Lifeline (dot org) and what they are doing to help those who desire to break the porn habit. I hope that these articles and the new DN website for women will help healing take place and facilitate better relationships.

  • ladybug on the leaf Provo, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:52 a.m.

    Mankind's (not womankind) propensity for using porn has devastated my estimation of men in general.

    Trust is essential in marriage---but how am I supposed to show that I trust my husband at the same time I inquire about whether he's a spectator of smut?

  • DixieMan73 Washington, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 11:00 a.m.

    How easy it is to intellectualize this issue. Can you imagine how this affects this man's children? The affect on the women he objectified and used for his personal satisfaction? The time he could have been using to create long-lasting family memories and bond with his children. His decisions will trickle down through generations, and affect how his own sons and daughters interact with their spouses and children. A family environment of lies, deceit, and co-dependency will affect his descendants for years to come. How much of life was squandered?! He appears to be sincere going forward, but so much damage is irreversible.

  • Oregon Ute Hermiston, OR
    Sept. 24, 2010 11:25 a.m.

    There is no debate as to whether pronography is destructive. This article mentions a study back east that proves it and there are many more studies that have come to the same conclusions. Fact is pornography is harmful to society. If our government leaders are so concerned about our health that they will tax cigarettes and alcohol, soda pop and candy why not put regulations on pornography that make it extremely difficult to get. I would even say that pornography is worse for you than smoking. Just brainstorming here.

  • Levi Seattle, WA
    Sept. 24, 2010 11:37 a.m.

    Recovery from a LOT of things is possible.

  • David B. Cedar City, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 11:37 a.m.

    I like to look at beautiful women but not in this format.I won't deny I've seen a few pic's over the years.Sexual behavior should remain where it should be,in the bedroom not exploiting it!

  • Joggle Clearfield, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 11:59 a.m.

    Contrary to my defending pornograpyhy statements....I feel sympathetic toward those women who struggle with porn obsessiveness with their spouse and hope their struggle with the problem in their relationship will be healed. However, I think they are wrong to totally blame pornography instead of realizing that porn is a symptom of much deeper problems within the relationship, person, or couple. Many can't seem to accept that so they blame porn for their problems expecting their relationship to magically be healed once it is eliminated. People need to recognize underlying emotions such as anxiety, stress, conflicts (including sexual and religious conflicts), anger, worry, loneliness, resentment, rejection, performance anxiety, intimacy issues, depression, bipolar disorders, obsessive-compulsive behavior, & so forth are contributing factors or MAIN forces in the abuse of porn as an outlet. Stop blaming porn for the entire problem. If other problems are not addressed you will probably not see a successful outcome. Behaviours are mostly learned and linked to inner believes and emotions and bad behaviours are almost always symptoms of some deeper problems.

    As adults we are responsible for our choices and behavior and should put blame where it belongs....on ourselves....not totally on the pornography.

  • jcmom Sandy, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 12:01 p.m.

    DixieMan73-How right you are. I can't begin to tell you the effects pornography use has had on my husband's family and on my husband. My husband's father has recently come out to the family that this has been a problem in his life for 60 years. It explains the emotional withholding with his family, and the emotional withholding behavior that he has modeled for his own son.

  • jasonlivy Orem, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 12:03 p.m.

    I find some of these comments disheartening. There is no debate here! Pornography is a vial, ugly epidemic that is so widespread that everyone is a possible victim. To hear it being defended is downright insulting! It is far to pervasive to ignore any more. These articles and the recent attention put on porn addiction are as necessary as any terror alert or extreme weather warning. It is currently destroying lives, ruining marriages, and destroying souls! Is there a more urgent problem we are currently facing today?

    We must be engaged in the fight to keep it from our lives! As the article says, we need to roll up our sleeves, not wring our hands! The only way we are to keep it from our spouses and children (that which is the most important to us) is to combat it at every turn. If not, it will find it's way in.

    Thank you, Deseret News, for the Rallying Cry!

  • VocalLocal Bountiful, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 12:28 p.m.

    I will add that I shouldn't have said it becomes destructive ONLY when mixed with religion. Yes, there are those regardless of their beliefs whose use of this material becomes excessive and disruptive to every day life and their relationships. This is true of any pleasure inducing activity-whether intimacy with one's own spouse or eating chocolate-any such activity can be done in excess and become problematic socially.

    However it seems that compulsive use of this material is all too often driven by religious obsession and shame-driven secrecy. Thus I am not surprised to see Utah at the top of all states in pornography subscriptions.

  • charlie91342 Sylmar, CA
    Sept. 24, 2010 12:42 p.m.

    I am not going to "defend" porn. I'm not saying porn is a good thing. but it's a free country and adults should be able to do what they want. it seems like many posters on the issue would like porn banned like in Iran. but porn isn't the problem - adults that have no self control is the problem. and when you combine that with the intense guilt brought on by religion, you have a devestating mix.

    I also wan to add that although no one wants to admit it, if the spouse opened up their view on sex, a lot of the problems would go away. this will probably be censored, but the fact is guys (even religious ones) want their wife to be a lady everywhere, except the bedroom. there, they want the oposite. and most ladies won't loosen up in private. for whatever reason, it is "sinful" to do anything except basic activities. (moderator - I'm trying to be polite here, pls let this post go through.)

    so porn isn't good, but not nearly as bad as you all make it out to be, and more excitement from the spouse helps.

  • Joggle Clearfield, UT
    Sept. 24, 2010 12:44 p.m.

    The question whether watching pornography is healthy or not depends on who sees it, what pupose it serves, and how they handle it.

    When is Porn healthy?

    When you watch it as a sexual release.
    When there is a healthy curiosity.
    When you watch it along with your partner or when consenting adults are involved.
    When it is used as a medium to release stress or enhance a relatonship.

    When is Porn unhealthy?

    When porn has taken control over your life.
    When you prefer porn over your partner.
    When porn is all you think of.
    When you cannot distinguish between reality and fiction

    Conclusion: Watching pornography is not bad as long as you know it is not the ‘real thing’ and you don’t replace it with the ‘real thing’!

    Saying that it is currently destroying lives, ruining marriages, and the destroying souls of ALL people as many here seem to indicate without realizing it can be a healthy outlet for others is narrow-minded.

    If porn is a problem for you, your partner, and your relationship then I sympathize with you, but to say it is a problem for everybody is FALSE.

  • Keith43 Littleton, CO
    Sept. 24, 2010 1:21 p.m.

    Joggle,
    I agree with your first post, except for the fact that you need to reverse the process. Pornography is an outward expression of the character weaknesses and/or defects you listed. But, people with a sexual addiction have no clue what those defects are until they start working through an addiction recovery program. Only then, do they come to understand what's driving the addiction. Great overview - thanks!

  • KJB1 Eugene, OR
    Sept. 24, 2010 1:54 p.m.

    Let me something clear: if one spouse is unhappy with the other's, then yes, that's a problem. If a partner promises that (s)he will stop using and continuing to do so, yes, that's a problem. There is plenty of potential for abuse in porn, just like there is in alcohol, exercise, eating vegetables, or even religion. But to proclaim that *every single person* who uses porn has "defects" and is bound to destroy their family, job, and happiness is just wrong, and that's what my main problem with this series (and forums) have been.

    Freedom of speech doesn't just mean freedom of speech that you like. Part of what makes America America is the right that consenting people have to do and say things that you dislike, just as long as it doesn't harm anyone else (and not in an oblique God-will-judge-you way.) You can believe whatever you like, but you don't get to force others to follow those beliefs.

  • jimhale Eugene, OR
    Sept. 24, 2010 2:09 p.m.

    Honey, I think our life together would be greatly enhanced if you'd just try (insert your favorite sexual trick here).

    I think if you would just give it a try I'd be a lot more happy.

    Where'd I get the idea that you'd want to do such an "un-lady-like" thing?

    Why, where I always get my ideas about sex, from the (....insert your favorite porn source here:

    - the mags at the grocery check-out,
    - the old "man's magazine" I found in my brothers room one day, twenty years ago - that I've never been able to get out of my mind since I saw that one time,
    - the stuff I saw down at the "adult" store,
    - the last video I saw on-line on the home computer when you were asleep last night,
    - the last video I saw at work when the boss thought I was staying late to impress him,
    - the latest video I saw on my computer at work when I was stealing time from my employer...and risking our family's future.)

    Tell her the real truth about the source of your suggestion.
    Pick your level of addiction.

  • Mr. Bean Phoenix, AZ
    Sept. 24, 2010 2:43 p.m.

    Jasonlivy 12:03 p.m.

    "Pornography is a vial, ugly epidemic that is so widespread that everyone is a possible victim."

    I couldn't disagree with you more. Ladies are beautiful clad or otherwise. And the act of bringing tykes into the world is also wondrous and beautiful. Those who think otherwise, I would venture, are the sickies who need help. After all, God invented the process. How can whatever (S)he created/ordained be vial and ugly? Someone doesn't get it.

  • charlie91342 Sylmar, CA
    Sept. 24, 2010 2:54 p.m.

    re - jimhale | 2:09 p.m.

    "Where'd I get the idea that you'd want to do such an "un-lady-like" thing? Why, where I always get my ideas about sex, from the (....insert your favorite porn source here"

    obviously you have a lack of imagination, jim. half the stuff I was talking about can be heard of on prime time tv. or on 2 1/2 men reruns. your problem is you don't think sex should be fun. and that wil ruin a relationship and drive someone to porn sites.

    try talking to your spouse instead of being embarrassed and sanctimonious.

    and there are "addicts" of just about everything. ask yourself this - how many religion addicts live in Utah? and by addict, I mean you think you cannot live without it and are continually drawn to it. that is the definition of an addict, right? not saying religion is bad (nor is porn good) but there is always someone that overdoes it no matter what it is... so is it the person, or the product that is the problem?

  • Miss Piggie Phoenix, AZ
    Sept. 24, 2010 3:26 p.m.

    Recovery? What recovery? Who needs recovery?

    If anyone needs recovery it would be the reported 40% of women who want no sexual activity whatsoever, married to a normal, red-blooded male who is thus, very likely driven to find sexual expressions elsewhere.

    How can any woman expect her man to live for years and years on end in a happy and contented life sans sexual expressions? It can't be done. The red-blooded male needs sexual outlet of some kind. And he will find it, either with another woman (infidelity) or on the internet.

    And I agree with several posters who maintain that any anxiety brought on by the use of porn is not becasue of the porn. It is becasue of the so-called morals teaching of the community, religion, or both.

    With a small bit of effort, a psychologist (or person in control of your conduct) can make you anxious about any human conduct. Let's say you were told not to touch your nose for any reason whatever. And you were chastised and chastened whenever you did. You would soon become paranoid suffering immensely whenever you did it. As it is with porn.

  • jimhale Eugene, OR
    Sept. 24, 2010 5:07 p.m.

    Charlie9...

    I do not lack imagination.
    I do talk to my spouse on this subject, always have.

    There are simply limits to what we find acceptable behavior.

    My gripe with pornography is it tries to normalize the extreme, promotes expectations that ordinary people with ordinary stresses in their lives cannot hope to achieve, and reinforces the centuries old - but now woefully outmoded - idea that women were created to be the private play"things" of men.

    I don't have a problem with men imagining things on their own.

    I have an issue with an industry that exposes men's minds to images that they then cannot erase - creating and continuing expectations that would otherwise never have come up.

    Sex is a part of love. Lust is a part of sex.

    But it is unfair, at a fundamental human level, to imagine you are with one woman when you are with your woman. That's true whether the woman in your mind is someone you've met or someone you've only seen on video.

  • KJB1 Eugene, OR
    Sept. 24, 2010 7:09 p.m.

    I was in a hurry and my last post came out a little garbled, so let me repeat myself. If one spouse asks another spouse to stop using porn and that person refuses to, that's a problem. If a person is compulsively unable to stop, that's a problem. On the other hand, if a spouse has made his/her sexual frustrations known and the other person refuses to do anything about it, that's just as big of a problem. As I said before, the unwillingness and inability to be open is what destroys a marriage, not pictures on a screen. The majority of people who use porn do so responsibly without negative effects (and often some positive ones.) Sorry if the doom-and-gloomers can't accept that, but it's the truth.

    jasonlivy:
    "There is no debate here!"

    There always has to be debate. When we stop debating, we stop thinking.

  • rain91345 Portland, OR
    Sept. 24, 2010 10:14 p.m.

    I look at porn. I am single and have no "significant other" to worry about; however, my truth is that sometimes I enjoy it as a release, while other times, I feel darkened inside.

    Porn is like popcorn, as once I start, I want more and more and more. Yes, it feels good... really good... while I am viewing it, but when I am done, I feel a sense of emptiness and a certain irritability the next day.

    Sometimes, images will flash into my mind during the day of what I saw the night before. I don't like who I am when I do this stuff. So, I quit for a few days, until my sex drive pushes me, as, frankly, I get bored without it.

    Am I hooked? Yes. I am not religious, so it's not a guilt-trip thing for me, but I am a feeling person, like anyone else. I don't like porn, but it is, in the moment, pleasurable.

  • C1 Saint George, UT
    Sept. 25, 2010 7:29 p.m.

    I was addicted to porn for quite some time. I have been through treatment and have been clean for a couple of years.

    I'm going to state my opinion strongly. To me, it's a fact. To some of you, it's just my opinion.

    Porn is changing the very fabric of our society. It is very alarming to read many comments and see how much many people underestimate the challenge that porn brings to the marriage, family, and our country. I have read many books on this topic and I personally feel that porn could seriously bring down our whole society.

    People are often either very under educated on this topic, or simply in denial.

    I cannot state how strongly I feel on this subject. To me it's depressing to see how little action and conversation there is on this topic. People are so embarassed that they don't even want to speak up about fight it.

    To "rain" from Portland... come on man, trust your gut. If it feels dark then ditch the stuff. Even if you aren't religious.

    Remember I'm speaking as one who has been there. Life can be better.

  • awsomeron1 Oahu, HI
    Sept. 25, 2010 10:15 p.m.

    Sometimes you have to walk the party line, sometimes Not.

    I am surprised that this Topic lasted so long in its various forms.

    I find the Two Post Posting Restriction to be real stumbling block. But its your site so have at it.

    1. I am Not Sure with Porn that there is anything that needs to be Recovered From. The S word addiction yes but looking at Nude Art or Porn not much.

    Lets not forget Female Tattoo Art. The body may be a Temple but it is also a great Canvas.

    2. The Porn is not the "Blame' its been around forever, check out the Cave Walls.

    3. The Church is far from the Blame. As we have Freedom both Of and From Religion in America.

    Either you accept the Rules or you do not.

    Mostly it is peoples reaction to the Porn or the desire to integrate the so called Porn Acts into a persons everyday S word life.

    Its like some people want to round up the Temperature if its 69 outside.

    Porn does Not Destroy Relationships, peoples judgmental behavior sometimes does.

    In America you are Free to change the Channel, or Click or Whatever.

  • Anon 64 Oahu, HI
    Sept. 25, 2010 10:39 p.m.

    I am Not Sure that You can have an Ordeal Of Porn.

    In the Early 90 when the Internet came to our Twon in Oregon to the libery, My stepson was one of the first to sign up. We gave permission because we are 1st Admendment People.

    Its Windows 3.1 and downloads where slow. He was also the 1st to get thrown off the Computer because he continued to download and Porn he could.

    When I got a Home Computer he picked our lock and went right at the porn.

    Later on Windows 95 and Windoes 98. Yeah end of both Winsock and DOS. He renamed his files, one night I through out over 100, and he said I just got the tip,

    End Story he is 25 Now and is doing okay.

    Porn like anything else is an Addicition of Choice, if you are over 18 it is legal, like it or Not.

    A Poster once said on S Word Ed, that "We do not want them to know what we do not want them to know"

    The Internet Cures that, they know.

    People kill people over their Reglious Beliefs.

    No one has killed anyone over Porn.

  • Butterfly orem, UT
    Oct. 3, 2010 10:10 a.m.

    I was the spouse of an addict. I am now divorced because pornography and sex addiction was brought into my marriage. I did not want a divorce, I wanted to save the marriage...but felt that my spouse did not desire to fight for our marriage and seek help. I have had many dark days. hell. I have hit rock bottom and prayed to God for a miracle. I did not know if there was really help out there but I wanted it. Shortly after I found out about an SANON group and a program that gave me hope. It gives marriages hope. I wish I had found it before it was too late for my marriage. But I am able to attend by myself and at least I have hope that I can be okay. No one can tell me that pornography doesn't destroy relationships and affect lives...I have lived it.

  • Hank Pym SLC, UT
    May 29, 2012 6:41 p.m.

    re: Joggle 12:44 p.m. Sept. 24, 2010

    "When is Porn unhealthy?...When you cannot distinguish between reality and fiction"

    Agreed. Most of the stuff (easily 98% IMO) on a computer monitor or TV/movie screen is shall we say **make believe**

  • Ernest T. Bass Bountiful, UT
    May 30, 2012 7:32 a.m.

    People sure are obsessed with porn around here. I don't get why those who don't view it are so obsessed with it.

  • marxist Salt Lake City, UT
    May 30, 2012 10:24 a.m.

    We talk about "porn addiction" as if we all agree on just what it is. Say a guy looks at a website with skimpily attired women once or so a month. Is that guy an "addict?' Or is he just a good old heterosexual which we venerate. I guess there are guys (and a few gals) we want to look at hard core stuff all the time. Are there? If so, this is strange behavior and likely is being caused by issues not directly involved with the viewing iteself. So just what is porn addiction?

  • OnlyInUtah Cottonwood Heights, UT
    May 30, 2012 2:18 p.m.

    Great article. The LifeStar program that was referenced works. I've seen how it has turned the lives of family members around. I recommend it or any other successful theraphy to help individuals (both men and women) to break the addiction cycle and become free of the debilitating problem.

  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    May 30, 2012 4:42 p.m.

    DNews just keeps pounding it in how bad porn is and how the addiction is so strong it ruins lives ....

    I mean seriously .... how many overdoses does porn cause every year? How many deaths?

    Please stop comparing it to drugs and posting such frequent articles about it that the repetition becomes slowly believable.

  • Brahmabull sandy, ut
    May 31, 2012 10:59 a.m.

    To me pornography is like anything else that CAN be addictive. Some people can use it in moderation, and not be addicted. Some people cannot, and can become terribly addicted. Does that mean it happens to everybody? No, of course not. It is the same as alcohol, just becuase a person drinks some doesn't mean they are an alcoholic. Some are, some aren't. Yes it is better to not play with fire but if an adult wants to look he should be able to. If there is a spouse that doesn't like it, then that obviously needs to be considered. Alcohol can ruin marriages, so can porn.

  • gdog3finally West Jordan, Utah
    May 31, 2012 6:21 p.m.

    The world has always had platforms, protective barriers, and venues for sexual addiction and deviant behavior. But Porn and it's availability today, provide a foundation for poison to grow everywhere. No community, home, or individual is safe from it entirely.

    There is a spiritual battle with porn from within at least one person that each of us knows. It could be us as well. Each comment poster here lives in the scary underworld world of what they they are commenting on.

    Porn scares me. It has many faces and levels of deception. I find myself appalled by it, embracing it, demonizing it, justifying it, and everything in between. I won't say that some who lambast it aren't free from it, but I do submit that we all wrestle with it somehow/someway.

    Porn won't go away, so I don't think we should spend time trying to censor it. Maybe the focus should be spent on recognizing what makes us feel dirty and try to clean up the mind from it. I say talk to people we trust and pray for aid in our conversations with our offspring (relative persons here).

    The battle rages on.

  • A Scientist Provo, UT
    June 1, 2012 11:43 a.m.

    "Gray said healing happens as people are engaged in the principles of intervention and work with a religious leader, therapist and a 12-step group."

    You see, that is the key. Religions demonize porn and concoct this idea that it is not only evil, but "addictive" so they can recruit you. This is the typical scam of religion. They have to convince you that you are a horrible sinner so you will become addicted to "the salvation of Christ", which, of course, only they can offer you through the copyrighted, patented, one and only true and efficacious ordinances and rites! And, of course, you must pay tithes and offerings to enjoy the full blessings of salvation!

    I'm not convinced that the religion industry is any better than the porn or drug industry!

  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    June 1, 2012 12:50 p.m.

    @A Scientist,

    "I'm not convinced that the religion industry is any better than the porn or drug industry!"

    It's not. Catholic church used to encourage prostitution. Some churches use to marry many woman including some 14 year olds.

  • LValfre CHICAGO, IL
    June 1, 2012 12:57 p.m.

    @A Scientist

    "I'm not convinced that the religion industry is any better than the porn or drug industry!"

    Religion offers spiritual rewards (which we don't know are real until we're dead) for money.

    Porn offers physical rewards for free, or money if you choose, and offers employment for some.

    Which one is better for people? Physical benefits and employment vs. questionable after life benefits that cost?

  • george of the jungle goshen, UT
    Oct. 7, 2013 10:26 a.m.

    There is a time and place for everything and everything has it's place. It's not in my place, no time there's no place.

  • BigBuddha Chandler, AZ
    Oct. 7, 2013 2:01 p.m.

    The DN sure has many articles about porn. What exactly is a porn addiction anyway?

  • USAlover Salt Lake City, UT
    Oct. 8, 2013 10:07 a.m.

    Personally I think we overuse the word "addiction" so much that it has lost much of it's meaning.

    A good definition of what "addiction" to pornography is would be helpful.

    I probably think any substance can be used by some in moderation and never have it escalate to addiction, and that includes alcohol, tobacco, painkillers and pornography. Look around, we all know social drinkers and responsible Lortab takers.

    However, the dangers come in not knowing what your disposition is toward certain behaviors. So, the safest route is to not play with fire.

    I do believe that we have vilified men who have dabbled with the stuff but who otherwise are responsible providers, good fathers and generally nice and loving to their spouses. We have trained women to "GIVE UP" on such men for occasional porn use, when nearly every other aspect of their life is in order.

    Work with such men, tell them you don't approve, and expect them to do better but don't run off to counseling, tattle to church leaders, tell your friends and family and throw him under the bus. If he continues and impacts his weekly life and behavior, get him help.

  • Erika Salem, Utah
    Oct. 8, 2013 2:11 p.m.

    Have you ever been betrayed by someone you loved? Someone who kept secrets from you? Have you ever felt like a sex tool, expected to have no thoughts and feelings of your own? Have you ever lived with someone who couldn't escape the guilt of things never discussed, who became more and more depressed? Someone who lost jobs for violating rules at work or for just not showing up because he was elsewhere, looking for a fix? Does this sound like just a religious issue? Does this sound like a harmless pursuit or a victimless activity? How about being expected by student-therapists (the only ones you could afford) to just be loving and supportive, as if you continued to just bee a tool in someone else's recovery?

    Have a little compassion.

  • MentalWanderer University Place, WA
    Oct. 9, 2013 12:38 p.m.

    So, someone needs to drop the other shoe here: just what DOES "recovery" look like? Mrs. Croshaw doesn't know yet, and neither does anyone else who was interviewed. Curiously, the LifeSTAR program is "12-Step" oriented. Fifty years of ABUNDANT research has shown that 12-Step programs are not only ineffective, but often counter-productive. Their only benefit is the group therapy that SOMETIMES accompanies such programs. Everyone who makes a living selling 12-Step programs will vigorously deny this with breathless testimonials and a mountain of "cooked evidence," but fifty years of grim statistics can't be swept under the rug. The trouble is that no one who overcomes addiction without a 12-step program goes on TV or Facebook to talk about it, so we never hear these stories.

    The truth is that all addictions are similar. Commentators who identify addictions as symptoms of larger problems are correct. Adults (and children) fall into addictive behaviors because they have the power to fill the holes in their lives. When addicts stop "kicking against the pricks" of their addiction and start focusing on filling the holes, they eventually "grow out of it," (or, at worst, become "high-functioning casual users").