HUMBLE HERO

Remember Ron Artest? Guy who went into the stands after some mouthy Detroit fans and later changed his name to Metta World Peace?

Now you can call him Coach World Peace.

The NBA free agent has agreed to be an assistant girls basketball coach for the Palisades (Calif.) High Dolphins.

In his blog, he said becoming a coach was “an easy decision” and added: “Repeat before speaking: I am not retired. I am still so good. Wow, I’m good. I can still execute any offense a coach has at a high level. My team defense is still amazing, and my one-on-one defense is better at my worst than some at their best.”

Well of course it is.

He’s practicing against the Palisades High girls basketball team.

NEWS BLACKOUT

A breathless press release from the Idaho Stampede of the NBA Development League was issued last week.

“The Stampede and Utah Jazz will make a major announcement involving the future of the Idaho Stampede and professional basketball in the Treasure Valley,” it said.

Seriously, is there really such thing as a major announcement from the D-League?

THE RAW FACTS

The World Naked Bike Ride was held last week in Portland, Oregon.

In other news, the city is rumored to have applied to host the World Conference on Chafing in July.

GLOBAL GAME

Jake Heaps, once heralded as the next great BYU quarterback, has left another program. After transferring from BYU to Kansas, he is now moving on to play at Miami.

As another former high school sensation once said, he’s taking his talents to South Beach. Since 2010, Heaps has lived in Washington, Utah, Kansas and now Florida.

One more move and he’ll have enough frequent flyer miles to reach his ultimate goal of playing for the Antwerp Diamonds.

OLD GUYS RULE

George H.W. Bush celebrated his 90th birthday with a parachute jump.

Wow, a 90-year-old taking the leap.

Isn’t that called “Tim Duncan opts for free agency?”

SIGNING OUT

The Derek Jeter farewell tour continues and the media has been there to chronicle it.

Among the reported gifts so far: a bottle of wine and a Napa Valley vacation from Oakland; pinstriped cowboy boots from Houston; a pinstriped paddle board from the Angels; a bronze bat from Milwaukee; a No. 2 subway tile from the Mets; the No. 2 scoreboard panel from Wrigley Field; and a base from the Seattle Kingdome.

Too bad the Yankees don’t play the Phillies this year.

They could give him the Declaration of Independence, where he could put his John Hancock right next to John Hancock’s.

Email: rock@desnews.com; Twitter: @therockmonster; Blog: Rockmonster Unplugged