In other news, Stew Morrill's Aggies go into temporary sleep mode.

GRID-LOCKED

Former University of Utah quarterback Alex Smith will be the keynote speaker at the school’s commencement ceremony on May 1.

The NFL’s top draft pick in 2005, Smith graduated in two years with a degree in economics, carrying a 3.74 GPA.

Now he’s a starter for the Kansas City Chiefs.

For those who still don’t believe football runs the university, please file a complaint with the Department of Nobody’s Buying It.

SLEEPY TOWN

Utah State basketball coach Stew Morrill, on last Saturday’s 2 p.m. game against UNLV: “With television and everything, the times are what they are, and you have to adjust in terms of your game prep or your naps, or whatever it might be. It screws up my nap, I know that.”

Just wondering, didn’t that second half drop-off by the Aggies look at least a little like a nap?

CASH ‘N’ CARRY

Philadelphia Union CEO Nick Sakiewicz complained last week that Toronto FC president Tim Leiweke has been spending crazy money to acquire players.

“I get frustrated when I see Leiweke breaking the bank up there,” Sakiewicz told The Philly Soccer Page.

Leiweke’s response, via the Toronto Sun: “We knew people were going to shoot at us. The shooting has begun.”

Leiweke has allegedly referred all further questions to New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman.

RELATIONSHIP CENTRAL

Rock On passed the Valentine’s Day test with flying colors last Friday, bringing home roses and booking dinner at a fancy restaurant.

This is in contrast to several years ago when he bailed on Valentine’s Day so he could interview Darryl Dawkins about playing for the Harlem Globetrotters.

"I'm learnin', man," Dawkins said that night. "Learnin' how to be an entertainer."

Rock On? He’s learning how to stay married.

GO TIME

Jazz mascot “Bear” is back at work after gashing his head practicing a stunt prior to the Jerry Sloan banner ceremony on Jan. 31.

Sloan allegedly told him he acted like he was playing in a tuxedo and wearing a bear suit.

OLD SCHOOL

ESPN analyst Mike Ditka told the Detroit Free Press that Lions’ quarterback Matthew Stafford has “touches of greatness” but added, “I wish he’d put the baseball cap on frontwards instead of backwards all the time.”

Sources say Ditka also opposes such attention-grabbing devices as helmet padding and facemasks.

WINTER WONDERS

Miami Herald columnist Greg Cote: “Certain other events are not Winter Olympic sports, but should be. These include synchronized ice fishing, yodeling, avalanche surfing and rhythmic shivering.”

Email: rock@desnews.com; Twitter: @therockmonster; Blog: Rockmonster Unplugged