DWINDLING OPTIONS

Ute football coach Kyle Whittingham minced no words after Saturday’s 19-3 loss to USC.

“We’ve got really no throw game right now,” he said. “Run game wasn’t a whole lot better.”

His pass protection was awful. His kicker missed two field goal tries.

Which brings to mind the scene in “Stripes” where Bill Murray says, “In the last two hours I’ve lost my job, my apartment, my car and my girlfriend.”

To which fellow slacker Harold Ramis replies: “You still have your health.”

Not necessarily, pal, not necessarily.

COURTLY INTENTIONS

Nobody is picking the Jazz to make the NBA Finals this year. But that hasn’t stopped ebullient big man Enes Kanter from making clear his intentions.

Prior to the Jazz’s seventh loss in eight preseason games, Kanter said, “I mean, this (locker) room has enough talent to beat every team on every court.”

Just wondering, was he talking about divorce court, juvenile court or small-claims court?

DOG YEARS

El Paso has a long history of minor league baseball, mostly involving teams named the Diablos. However, the city’s Pacific Coast League team next season will be known as the Chihuahuas.

What, someone already took Miniature Poodles?

OWNING IT

A man drove a truck up the steps of the Utah State Capitol last Tuesday, parking in front of the west doors and claiming he could park where he wanted — it was his property.

Isn’t that sort of what Shaquille O’Neal did every time he set up in the paint against the Jazz?

PARTIALLY INVESTED

Reports say Steve Young could have earned $30 million over 37 years in the form of an annuity that was set up when he played for the L.A. Express.

But according to Young, he never funded the annuity. Otherwise, he would have been earning $1 million this year and over $3 million in 2027.

In other pie-in-the-sky financial news, the San Francisco Giants think pitcher Tim Lincecum will still be winning Cy Young awards when his new $35 million contract expires.

BULLY PULPIT

Heavyweight champ Vitali Klitschko says he is running for president of Ukraine in 2015.

And you thought those guys were tough when Khrushchev was in power.