"The bagpipe is a difficult instrument to play. Unfortunately it is not impossible."
"If all economists were laid end to end — they would not reach a conclusion."
"An honest politician is one who pays his taxes on all bribes received."
"I remember when you went to a bookstore for a book, Amazon was a river, blackberries were good on cornflakes and a pole dancer was a ballerina from Krakow."
"I remember Pearl Harbor, but I don't remember what she did."
The last three quotes are my own — but the first two were stolen from me by George Bernard Shaw.
— Mark Russell, Tribune Media Services