To boldly go

There's a lot of uncertainty about college football right now, but one thing is indisputable: Naming conferences after numbers doesn't work anymore.

The Pac-10, which used to be the Pac-8, is now technically the Pac-11, but it could become the Pac-12.

As of Monday afternoon, the Big 12 was down to the Big 10. But wait, there's already a Big Ten, which should have been the Big 11, except that it just gained a 12th team.

The only logical idea is to name conferences after geographic regions. In which case, what is Colorado doing in the Pac-10?

Rock On thinks from now on they should just give up and name conferences after planets.

Kingly ransom

The top free agent in an off-season of great free agents is LeBron James. Where he'll end up is up to conjecture. Rapid City? London? Barcelona?

It could happen.

The Harlem Globetrotters — who play anywhere and everywhere — announced a marketing campaign last week to lure James and Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade. Among the incentives: 51 percent of 'Trotter merchandise sales.

Word is King James has already agreed in principle, if they'll promise not to pull down his pants at the free-throw line.

Indefensible

Speaking on ESPN Radio in New York last week, Carlos Boozer said being a free agent has some advantages.

Though he didn't say which destination is his preference (outside Utah), he did admit basketball is a pretty nice gig.

"We haven't worked a day in our lives yet," he said.

But enough about his defense.

Pastry pardon

Seattle Seahawks receiver Golden Tate was recently issued a warning for trespassing after he and a buddy lifted two maple bars from a gourmet doughnut shop in the building where he lives.

According to reports, the baker left the counter momentarily to use the bathroom, whereby Tate and a friend came in and stole the delectables.

"I do understand the lure of maple bars," said coach Pete Carroll.

The only crime Rock On can imagine is that they didn't take a dozen.

'Tag x 2

Kansas center Cole Aldrich on comparisons to Greg Ostertag: "I like to think I might be slightly better looking than Greg."

Rock On is going to reserve judgment until he sees Aldrich dancing in a Speedo.

Incorrigible U.

At Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, this summer alone, one fan was arrested for purposely vomiting on someone, another was Tased, and a preschooler was caught on film drinking beer.

Whereupon Max Hall said he had been wondering what Ute fans were doing this off-season.

e-mail: rock@desnews.com